A World Tilted

  Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that most go too far one way or the other? Strange ain't it. When I was young we were constantly being told things like "Too much of a good thing ain't good no more", or "Don't throw away the baby with the bathwater", "Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered". We used terms like "Common Sense",  "Horse Sense", "Level headed", and were told to watch with a "discerning eye". Terms like "Haste makes waste", "If it ain't broke don't fix it". We watched out for "gluttony", "excessive", "lop sided ". I remember teachers saying stuff like that. As I look around I often wonder where are the majority of the people like that, and I myself have to relearn from time to time.

  On the web just about anyone can be a philosopher these days and almost any crazy stuff can be sold, and it ain't just the web either. I've pretty much gotten to the point I hate TV news, other than local and I wonder about a lot of that. The news channels, oh give me a break, talk about piling it high. Somehow though we seem to have gotten dumber, but what makes us that way? Lack of truth and rational reasoning. We watched the Lorax movie and Dr Seuss these days is considered by some part of the NWO, while others say it is leftist attempts to foil free trade, and yet others say it is occult because the Lorax likes trees. It is a kid's book. It shows a reverence for nature and trees, not a worship. It teaches control of desires and the use of limited resources. It never addresses the lack of free trade but does address responsible use and free domain of certain things, like air. Mostly it is a child's story though that says be responsible, act responsible, and control your greed. This story could be told anywhere and using any analogy, myth, fairy tale, fable, topic... well, you get the point.

  I read where in some places where they argue over the Sabbath. Saturday, Sunday, or ever other Wednesday. Nobody bothers to state that if you worship or give praise or thanks one day out of seven that it's probably not going to work too well for you. Then I hear the name of God argued over. A cross or a stake? Jesus, Yeshu, Yeshua, and on and on and on. Some sell a get out of Hell free card while others sell the gotta do this long list of things mentioned throughout the Bible thing. It often sounds like people are lost in the forest instead of backing up and seeing the beauty of the trees.

  I see grown people watching MTV and flaking out or totally amazed. Grown people playing games and collecting actual toys rather than getting out there and doing something. Whats better than an Author that has absolutely no practical knowledge of what they're writing about? The person who reads it and is suddenly a master at something without actually doing it. Though reading does at least exercise the mind. Unfortunately for some, it over exerts it as well. True story. We had a lady that told us how to plant a certain plant and how to harvest it, even preserve it. About a year later we ran into her and one of her older kids looking at Peach Trees, they were short and wanted a short tree. All the trees were Alberta Peach Trees! The sorter ones were younger and the older ones were taller. Did we explain? No. So I asked what all they had planted since her advice the previous year was expansive. Nothing, they were still reading on what and how to grow it. Guess what. I can write a book about how to grow what here, and if the climate and ground are different where you are it is all null and void for the most part.

  It has become so that we watch people doing sports and say "we did it"!!! No, they did it, you watched. They built or created something on TV, you watched. That by no way means you or I can. I use to love to watch some of the shows where they say they will teach you to build something hard. You might be able to if you had an endless supply of money for tools and material, and all the time and trails to get it done. You actually can hear stars from time to time people saying they don't watch TV or movies. Why, because they are busy doing it. They have a life. Some of these "designer shows", we got laughed at making stuff like that when we were young. I loved the show once that showed planting a small tree beside the house. That same house or one that copied it a few years later, repairing the foundation from root damage caused by a tree that was planted too close.

  We have went from a nation and world who had dreams to creating nightmares, or having insomnia as a second choice. Come election time people get stupid (er). I've seen all parties claim Jesus and some reject Him. To me one is as bad as the other. Some idolize Regan, who continued Carter's screw ups, only succeeded by a pair of Bushes and a Clinton in between, and now Obama. Don't believe me, add "policies sucked" in a search and pick one. Who owns your opinion? For most of the world it isn't the individual.

   I just watched a promo of a new product that looked like the robot in RoboCop. It's cool but is it needed? JFK warned of the Military Industrial Complex, but he missed the Pharmaceutical rise to power with them. Meanwhile people suffer, and I think with the advent of the Agribusiness. Now the funny thing I find is the person who says they promote tax breaks to the top tier, when they ain't in that tier. They promote freed trade, yet their business is slowly going under with competition from big box stores and web sales. Just once I'd like to see people say Hell No, not until you listen before buying or voting.

  So lets try a practice. Demand that products be made here. If foreign countries can move here, hire American Workers, and be profitable, then so can American companies. Demand quality built. Demand that you know what is in your food and if has been genetically altered in any way... in Layman's terms! Demand that workers get paid wages they can live on, while cutting by the wages at the top. Demand that your produce be from local sources. If not, the vote with your dollar, don't buy it. Don't vote in the election for president unless they tell you your vote, and not the electoral vote, counts.  Decide this day that you will have your voice heard. Stop rushing about like the waters on the ocean, being blow from here to there. Make this and ever day until your last count. Look before you leap onto a cause or support for something. Yoiu should be making decisions, if your old like me, that will make your kids and grandkids pleased. 

  So I guess the main theme of the rant is moderation rather than excess.    

          

Are We There Yet?

When we're born the clock begins to tick towards our expiration date. We don't get to ride by paying more or less, the price of admission is paid by your parents. Birthright also doesn't count, here, the fair is the same and the length of stay is the length. I actually don't think what we do, short of idiotic stuff, that determines how long we stay. For some it is never long enough, for some it's too long, and others it is just right. The mark of a good ride is the measurement of the duration one has after the ride is over. It is what we do during those moments that count while we're here.We are all special and created for just that special job, that special life or serving others.

    This trip is measured by success. It matters not that you leave riches or poor, but what one done with what they had. When you, I, or the richest ,man and woman die how much do you think they leave behind? It's the same answer of what the poor man did... all of it. We do get to take something with us though... our love for those close around us. Love from relationships we make. At 52 I've seen several come and go now, and with this body and cancer I know my ride will be shorter, and I say Amen. I pray I die as financially  poor, for they have the most friends, the most love me. How many people have you lightened their hearts and caused then find joy in making their own. Lay not your treasures upon the earth, nor in yourself, but upon God. In doing so you lay the best treasures you can even have, 

Heroes

Heroes. We see all these "heroes" on the TV screen. Yet who do they save, unless saving one from boredom. I see sports heroes. Yet they save nobody either. But I see heroes everyday. Somewhere at some time, I see heroes. But what is a hero? It certainly isn't a comic book character, sports player, or actor. It's the people you meet everyday that don't draw attention.

  A hero is usually a quiet person, one that does nothing special most of the time, but when special is called, they are there. A person that maybe is scared 99% and 1% protective, even if it is themselves, and acts on that 1%. A person that when something need be done for another does it, or does to their ability, without recognition. Though they can, they usually don't wear a cape, tights, uniform, or a badge. It can just be what is a dull person who happens to be where they are needed, and acts upon it. As I read through the paper I see some playing hero, yet they only play make believe.

   Heroes are rare indeed. Heroes are the people who take that one step further without any noticed or back patting. Good parents are heroes many times, saving children from harm, be that physical, emotional, or spiritual harm. A hero is a man or woman that stays faithful in this crazy world, through thick and thick, cause it happens sometimes that way. A hero is someone who loves somebody enough that even if it breaks their heart they will still in your way. A hero is somebody that against all odds, fights a deadly disease. Almost everybody has a hero make an appearance in our life, but they go largely unnoticed because they do what they do because it's right and needed, A hero is one who you meet everyday, and not notice them. We are all somebody's hero at some time, so be a good one.   

Procrastination

   Procrastination, a long word that means nothing gets done. One of my pet peeves as well. I didn't grow up with it but took to it like a fish to water later on. That lasted until UPS came along and I started driving. I learned a lot there and while I wouldn't want my kids to work there, it taught me a lot. That word ceased to be when a driver I was covering for left a note on my steering wheel when he came back from work. I had not delivered a few stops that were hard to get to. The note was plain and simple and enraged me to no end, probably because it was true. It read, "How the hell are you going to find to do what you didn't have time to do right the first time". I walked around like a swelled hen for days until a supervisor called me in the office. He laughed too, just like the rest of the drivers, but said he would talk to Bill. It didn't do any good though, Bill refused to apologize, and rightfully so. So the supervisor suggested I might think as to what bothered me so bad about the note. Deep down inside I knew it was true and I had been raised different than what I had learned to become, a Procrastinator. I was young, strong, and fast with deliveries. Friendly and courteous, but I wasn't complete. I went back to the way I was. That note was without a doubt the best thing that I could have read. It was easy to deliver the quick stuff, even looked good on the over/allowed time with the added miles, but then I had to answer for the extra miles. Worst yet, it took longer to get done and if you haven't experienced a package car with no power steering, straight shift, no a/c, fan, in 90 degree temps. I think we had 1 vent back then. I wasn't the only cover driver that done that, but that didn't make that any better. I relearned to take it as it comes.  

     There is one thing about tomorrow and that it never comes, when it's here it is today. Things come about and sometimes we can't address everything on a rough day, but we can make a start. Something pops up and like shoveling dirt, thrown to the side, it can and will become a mountain. Time can't be the issue because we all have the same amount of time in a day as everybody else and the same amount yesterday as we have today. That means tomorrow will pretty sure have the same amount too. Procrastination can cause a mountain of stress as things build up and suddenly we are behind with more than one can get done on a given day. Not to mention those of us who don't find it annoying as hell. It's hard to feel sorry for someone who puts things off and then works hard to catch up, especially the things that don't wait. If what one does depends on another doing their part then eventually the one that does their parts quits too. Little can be done to motivate the one who quits to restart after several times. 

  I saw this a lot at places I would pick up from. They would set and goof around until the end of the day then go wild trying to catch up, many times asking if we could come back. At home TV and Internet takes up time that could be otherwise used when matters need attending. Nothing wrong with chilling out and watching TV or surfing the web when all that can be done is. There is something terribly wrong though if you know more about the stars than the real people in your life. Something bad wrong when your memories are a TV show, instead of your own. People on TV don't watch a lot of TV, they do. Watching isn't the same as doing. I made some people mad one time when they said, "We Won", in reference to a football game. I simply said, "You play football, I didn't know that. Where are you at, I missed that. " They said, "No, never played football." I smiled and said, "Then they won, not you." I bought some donkeys from a lady who holds a high position on long ears, but no practical knowledge. Lucky for her she pays someone to tend them and lucky for the donkeys I felt sorry and bought the pair. Those that can should do. Those who no longer can but once did teach. Those who think they know usually supervise. Years ago I proof read, not for writing but for accuracy, many poultry and gamebird articles. 

  Old people had a lot of saying when I was a kid, like "Make hay while the sun is shinning." "Loose yer Round-to-it". "Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today". They lived by that and died by that. It simply meant to do what you can in the time you have when something needs to be done.  Don't put something off. There is no day like today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow never comes. Life is here and now and problems and chores are here and now. I guarantee unless you can pay someone to do what needs be done they will be here tomorrow, maybe bigger, plus some.  So don't let mole hills become mountains. Take care of business as it arises. Live, make your own memories, and life will go smoother, I promise. Reduce your stress in life, or the one who doesn't procrastinate. If you have kids aggravate them by showing as well as telling to handle things as they arise. Learn not to put things off if you do, then lead by example. Then again, as the old people said, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." Thing is, you lead by example and unless someone you depend on procrastinates, life will be easier. Tell yourself that it will not get done if you don't attend it.           

Annie Hill

This is for one of my cousins, whom I think of as a brother, he will know it's for him. Last we talked you said you didn't remember Annie saying a lot of what I attribute to her. Honestly, you'd be right. Some comes from Papa and some from me, but some did come from Annie. You said you remembered a different Annie than I did, but in the last years she became a different Annie. This isn't to change you mind or make excuses, but rather to maybe shed some light on why she was as she was when you were around her. Sometimes when we know the background we can understand things a little better, and sometimes not. It's all good.


  She was born in 1894 to Maggie out of wedlock. She would watch Maggie meet a "rich man" at a bridge who would give her money. Over the years we come up with a guy named Tarr. Maggie married a German fellow who Annie referred to as Pappy, and she didn't like him one bit. Annie said he was as mean as the devil. Maggie and him had children together and all I ever heard for she was two daughters. Since Annie was a bastard child she wasn't included in a lot of things. There was a picture of the Crucifixion that hang on her and Papa's wall in their bedroom, different than what is taught today and from what I've read more Biblical based. She sneaked out one evening to the Fair where her sisters were allowed to go and won the picture for being the prettiest girl at the Fair. She hid that picture until the day she left from fear of what Pappy would do to her for disobeying.

  She told tales of the Civil War and yet I never understood if it was Maggie or Mag's mom who the tales come from. I think though it was things Maggie had seen as a child. Point is though, men and women were being traded still after the Civil War. If you remember eating Annie's cooking, some recipes were from slaves. Being a bastard child she was treated just above the black people her Pappy traded on. I know he farmed and grew cotton and she told of having to pick the cotton with the slaves. She said at least he gave her shoes, something he didn't do for the slaves. She told of their feet cracking open and bleeding, frost bite in the winters when he would make them pick up rocks barefooted, so shoes meant a lot to her. Socks were insulation and perhaps why, along with her budget, she always gave everybody a pair of socks for Christmas. She saw him chain and sometimes tie men to a tree, take a Bullwhip and beat them, sometimes to death. He constantly reminded her she was just one step above, and it was a short step at that.

  When she met Papa, he was the only man in town with a car, and he was a stud, lol. Today's terms, a player. Papa though fell for Annie and they decided to get married. Papa wanted a church but Annie refused, she wanted to go to the courthouse. There was a reason for that. Pappy was a religious man and the church as well as him had shunned her since birth. She was second class, if indeed ever that. Annie had faith in Jesus and believed in God, but she did always say, "Religion will get you to Hell". So her and Papa was married by a judge in a courthouse. She took her picture she had won with her, perhaps the only time she ever felt special and loved, but for sure the first time. Papa I think was always faithful but liked the drink a bit, so he would go to town, play cards and come home drunk. One night Annie stood waiting behind the door and knocked him out with a frying pan. The next day, Papa got the law handed to him of what was tolerated and what wasn't by Annie. Papa never done that again.

  I have a tape of an interview that Irene done with Annie in the 70s where Annie tells a lot. Until then she had never heard her own voice and wanted to know, when played back, how that box knew all of that. It was too funny. They share cropped for a man and lived in a Pig House with dirt floors. The man would apparent come and go as he pleased, usually telling them they was poor. One day he went too far. He told Annie and Papa that poor people were nothing more than a knot on a log. Annie flew mad and cussed she said for the first time telling the man to leave and calling him a son of a bitch. I think this came before the event of hitting Papa with a frying pan. Annie had spent her whole life in fear and being quiet, it all ended that day.

  She would go into the woods and pick Walnuts, hull and sell them, putting the money aside. She eventually saved enough for a down payment and they bought a farm by the river. The corn was in bundles and ready to bring in when the river flooded, it was cold that night. Papa tied a rope to himself and waded in to try and save the crop. In the event he chilled his blood or something and after that day Papa always had heart trouble. That meant Annie had to do the work that Papa once did. In a world today we see women doing the same job for less pay, imagine back then. She had to stand up for herself, her work, and fight to get what a man would at the market. Papa would do what he could, he just couldn't do a lot before having a spell. Mom talks about special foods bought and raised for Papa that he had to eat, and nobody could eat that food, they couldn't afford for them all to eat it, so they ate regular food while Papa ate special food.

  Then comes the Great Depression. She done well to make the payment each year and feed them all. To date, mom still cries when talking about that, and you know mom, she usually don't cry. There is a lot of stories about that she and mom have told, Elizabeth fills in the blanks too and Perk has even more stories. Annie's hair was long back then and she prided herself on her hair. They all say it was beautiful. Annie became having bad headaches and weak, eventually she saw a doctor who said she'd have to cut her hair. I'm guessing that is why she never fussed about us having long hair in a time where people didn't like it.

  Now somewhere through all of this TVA was formed and started taking people's land. Their last load was taken by boat away from their farm. It was in Talbott and they did give Annie and Papa the option to keep what they didn't take. It wasn't enough land to farm so they declined, now it is the upper crust neighborhood. The locations was through the Black Woods, where a lot of weird things happened. So they come here to White Pine. I take it they couldn't afford much, TVA must not have paid a lot back then.

  This place was called the "Starvation Place", people said all that would grow here was briars. They started out living in the Old House, the big one that Gerald and Edna lived in, only 2/3s of it was torn down. Daddy, Keith, Gerald, and Sin all brought the small house Annie and Papa lived in from the woods behind it. Reworked it, and that became their home. I guess they just didn't need all that house after the kids married and moved away, except Gerald. They all worked the place and I don't know if you remember it or not, but corn with pumpkins for the hogs, tobacco, and they had a Dairy.

  Things were looking good for the first time, except the burden for work fell on Annie even more, and she was getting older and Papa getting sicker. Keith would come over and help work the farm along with Gerald who stayed behind. Gerald and Keith had went from Plow horses and mules to TN Walking Horses. Gerald married Edna and Edna's mom, Ms. Hickey moved into the big house, where she died after a while. There are a lot of stories in between those timelines but that gives a glance.

  Annie spoke her mind and sometimes it was harsh. You got one chance with her unless you were blood, that was it. She had remained quiet and felt helpless for so very long that when she had to stand up it could be like an explosion. Papa always said she was "Cut and Dry", the two couldn't have been more different. I used to say, and still do, that Annie believed in work and money, though she had no money. Papa believe in God. I watched Preacher Gayland and the one before him come to the tobacco field many times and pray with Papa. They would get on their knees and Papa would cry, so would the preacher, be that as it may though, they never stepped foot in the church.

   They went to church for a while and Annie got tired of all the busy bodies and crap they went around. She told me once when they stopped going and the events leading up to that decision, Papa would have probably kept on though. Without calling names, a bunch of ladies said they noticed Annie didn't have a bull. Annie says they asked her about it finally. She said they paid a man to breed the cows. Artificial Insemination was new back then. It was taken totally out of context. The preacher came up and asked about this event and told Annie it was wrong for a man to have sex with animals. After Annie explained it he looked relieved. She never went back after that. She wasn't much for idle chat, but you already know that.

  I'm not saying she was right in the way she was in all ways, she was tough and rough, but she had to be. This is the Annie you saw. The day Papa died, a piece of Annie died too. The joy he had in his heart, enough for them both, died with him. Papa's last words were to ask for a drink of water. He had talked to her for 2 weeks before that he would die. He said he'd ask God for her to come to but God said no, Annie wasn't finished yet. He shaved, had that ugly radio playing gospel as he did, with a dull electric razor which didn't do much other than make a noise. Annie would tell him to hush, Frank, don't talk like that. Thats crazy. Papa sat down in the chair and asked for a drink of water, Annie went and got it. She sat beside him, holding the glass. He laid his head on her shoulders. Annie said she could see Heaven in his blue eyes, but he looked like he was seeing into her soul. He smiled (as Pap always did) and said, "Annie, when you visit my grave to put flowers, don't look down and cry. Look down and smile, and I will look down from Heaven and smile back." With that, Papa drew his last breath with his head on Annie's shoulder.

  The day Joe was  murdered though was the last straw. She had been through cancer and the cruel treatments but came out a bit differently. Joe's last words Annie would hear was, "I'm going, but I'll be back. If you need anything don't get up, make Mark get it. I love You." Joe never made it back though. Annie lacked 2 days being 8 months later when she died, but the events to come would transform her even more. The cancer came back and went wild. We took turns feeding her, turning her, and holding a bucket while she threw up. After a surgery she went blind for a while. I bought her a miniature rose plant in a pot. It was the first thing she said she saw when her vision came back. We laughed about it. She said, "That rose was the first thing I saw, then you watered it to death and killed it." She would laugh so hard at that.

  The new Annie made me promise to not kill Bo. She made Gerald do the same. She would fuss at me for hardening my heart, but I didn't listen. She began to pray and if Bo ever reads this, she prayed for God to forgive you too. She regretted not trying harder with you and all of us, and believing one of her kids who lied after Keith's death. The one who lied to her has been dead long since. She was sorry for that, but forgave her too. She gave no excuses or reasons for her tough shell, only that she was sorry. I was down there everyday, just like the rest of us, with the exception of when she died, it had been 3 days.

  Seeing is believing, so I want to tell you something I saw. Annie's heart had become softer but after one night it became completely healed. One night, we had been there and finally I left at 3am, everybody had been called in. I was in Voc Tech school plus me and Lenard had a TV repair in the basement, 6am came early. I had done that schedule for a long time, so everybody fussed for me to leave and rest. Her fever went high and we were told to get some Tylenol liquid, she was pretty much out of it. I remember the last dollar and change I had was enough to buy a small packet of bendable straws. We had to have them because she was still. Her arms and legs grew cold and turned blue and she went into like a coma. This lasted for hours.

  Now don't take my word for it, present that night were mom and dad, Gerald & Edna, Herbert & Elizabeth, Perk & Buford (I think), Mark, and I think Chicken. Elizabeth, mom, and Perk are all that remain to ask, maybe Chicken's wife. I can't remember if a nurse was present. She became so stiff and cold we had to check for a heart beat or breath. It was dark that night and as I walked home I ask God to either take her or leave her, this was cruel. I don't think I ever cried that hard or that long. I went to sleep that night and expected them to wake me up and tell me Annie had died. They came up, woke me up, think it was dad, and said Annie had suddenly sat up and asked for something to eat.

  The next day I talked to her and told her about the prayer. She told me she saw Jesus and talked to Him that night. He said He was sending her back for a short while. You know as well as I that is strange for Annie. She would stay a month or two after that. One thing she did say was that she loved you. She wanted to tell you that face to face, so that is why back then I tried to get you to come down and see her those times. For the less than two months she remained, probably just over a month, her heart lifted up. She was completely new. She did talk about the last days and not to fear. We talked about a lot of things. She also understood why you didn't come, though we didn't go into detail on it, nor did we dwell on it.  Her message was don't hate, judge, or waste time on petty things. Many of the things I attribute to Annie is paraphrasing what she said. If you ever want to know any of the things she talked about just ask, but nothing was more important for you to know from her other than she was sorry and loved you very much.

  Her last day she ate, then asked for Ice Cream. Gerald got her some and she ate two bites, tossed her arms in the air and fell backward. Gerald caught her and held her as she left. She did though live almost painless after that night, and died the same way. She left everything to Gerald not because she loved him more, but because he was the only child left alive that helped her, and he sacrificed everything to stay there, education included. Nothing in this world held much meaning for her materially after Joe died, and whatever did lost the meaning and worth after that night. Her eyes and smile even changed. One of her sayings was "Let it go", and indeed she did.        

               

Fear Factor

Copy from my web forum.  http://g-kexoticfarms.com/findings/showthread.php?tid=849

 Quick write, I'm worn out from picking beans all day long. So I get in and start my email and see where x number of poultry are sick and they will have to cull so many million of chickens. Two people also got sick and the scare starts on this spreading. This is in Mexico. I haven't looked yet to see if my comment was allowed, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was declined. So here is the poop.

   There are sooo many websites, TV shows, movies, newspaper, magazines, and some have a lot of what ifs. What if this or that. This could happen. There is a scenario given of maybes or an actual event that is either blown way out of proportion or twisted. We have tons of them these days. This last one was the chickens, which I actually know quite a lot about since I once owned a large rare breed hatchery. True they don't operate like the fryers or egg layers, but I know about them too. I guess The Powers That Be (TPTB) ran out of stuff to come up with, so we're back to the bird flu. I'm not saying that a flu can't be engineered and called that, but nature hasn't done it in thousands of years and probably won't now.

  There is a method to this seemly madness and a purpose as well. If you can keep someone shocked or scared they don't think well, few do.  They keep your mind actively in a state of shock to be able to pull off whatever is desired. This is one of about three methods used today quite successfully.  Naomi Klein wrote an excellent book called "The Shock Doctrine, Rise Of Disaster Capitalism", I'll also put a video on the NWO section of this site.

  They'll usually start out with someone saying it "could" or "it has happened", along with the "possibly" "we think", "probably"... and the list goes on. Funny how they use the untrue or unproven when it benefits them but not when it doesn't.  

  Most of us watch the History Channel and think they are accurate, they're not in a lot of cases. I catch them all the time when they produce a show on religion. They will quote from many different versions of the Bible to circle around to their point. I'm sure they do that with everything. Will Rogers once said something like, "The are lies, damn lies, and then theres statics." 

   I will admit that even I believe we're in the end days, with so much being spot on, but you know, most generations probably thought that too. I really need to set down and write something in detail of how they get us to do what we know better than to do, but do. I'm in beans this week so maybe next week. Remind me if I forget.    

Father's Day

  I try and think these days when things arise how dad would have responded, yet I pale in the heart of those who were dad. I was very lucky, blessed actually, to have a few that took the role of dad, none competing with the other. The one I called dad was my grandfather who raised me from a pup. I'm not sure how to explain sometimes and sometimes I watch how I write so as not to offend my brothers and sisters or step mother. I called my biological dad Old Man and though he didn't raise me he was there whenever I needed him. I pale in his shadow as well. I had and have the utmost respect for him as a man and as a dad. I know we didn't see a whole lot of each other, but we shared love for each other all the same. Then I had a couple of uncles and a great grandfather I thought of as a dad as well.

  The first one left was Keith. I remember us all walking down the street in Newport and I was dragging along. I whined and he said, "Come on slow poke." I remember picking up the pace, not out of fear but out of respect and love, trying to step where he stepped. I can remember the razor strap, one lick, but it counted, lol. He was strong as an Ox and loved his family like most men would like to. It ended all too soon though I'll see him again. After Keith's death the family seemed to split and we all tried to stay in the middle and straddle the line. It worked for a few years.

  Bill was a good man, though we didn't start off right, we eventually got there and the beating was eventually healed. . He would take me up in a helicopter or airplane, and it felt so free. Towards hi end I remember him buying me a pink panties and a pink bra as a joke when my hair started getting longer. Slowly we were gaining respect for each other, then he crashed and died gallantly trying to save the man with him. Neither would be saved. 

  Papa was a man who always smiled. I still say he and Annie were opposites. Annie believed in work and money (though they had no money), and Papa believed in God. Papa's heart was bad after a river flooding and he tried to save his corn, actually I think he succeeded, but it cost him dearly. I remember Papa walking to the dairy barn, he couldn't do much but he did what he could. Papa loved to laugh and loved to make others laugh. He made sure you know you were loved. The last time I seen Papa, he and Annie were reading the newspaper on a metal couch.   

  Then Gerald, he was a firecracker. This man could fall in a cow pile and come out smelling like a rose. Like his brother Keith he always smiled. He actually worked hard, put he played hard too, just like Keith. Gerald's last years were spent in pain. The loss of Keith and Papa, then a few years later his oldest son murdered, 8 months lacking 2 days later his mom dies in his arms. He had others that spurred him on. He got mean for a while. I went down there one night, Edna called and said he was violent and drunk again. He put a .25 Raven pistol in my face, cocked it. Either I could go with him or he would shoot me in the face point blank range. I cry and he cried. I told him, "Gerald, if it will ease your pain I'll stand right here and you can shoot me... if it will heal your pain, I love you that much." He started to shake and cry and said, "I can't shoot you. Hell boy I helped raise you. I love you like my son.", as he pulled into me to hug me. For Gerald, he changed that day, and yes, I would have gone through with it if he had. Gerald had died of Walking Pneumonia.

  Then the Old Man, Bobby. His most memorable thing he did was at Gerald's death. He sat beside me and told me for the first time he love me. He said he knew I thought of Gerald as a dad, but I still had him and dad.  That in my opinion scream loud, I love you.Up until recently I became like him, a workaholic and same tempers ,, yet we always shared.We talked more than ever when he succumb to his cancer.

  That left me to dad, which like the rest was never complaining or competing with then other dads. I still don't know how they did it, but I think God for that. Me and dad would fuss to the extent people thought we'd fight, and looking back, he usually was. Dad told me he served in WW2, and me and another boy's dad All argued, only he served as a nurse in what would later be called a Mash. These  dudes were brave, running into fire to save them. None of them ever wanted to see another war. He died on Denise & me 21st Anniversary. Stroke

  So to me dads, if you hear me thank you. 
I have tried to copy Your strengths, character, kindness, loyalty,  and most of all faith. Now if I can install just a fraction of the kindness, faith, acceptance. I'm a dad and now a granddad, it is wonderful thing, most times. If you could ask any of these men what they wanted for Father's Day... we already have it. Now I understand. You all had different talents yet you had the most important , and that is that I pray I meet your expectations. I'll be home soon. I Love you all and thank you.