I try and think these days when things arise how dad would have responded, yet I pale in the heart of those who were dad. I was very lucky, blessed actually, to have a few that took the role of dad, none competing with the other. The one I called dad was my grandfather who raised me from a pup. I'm not sure how to explain sometimes and sometimes I watch how I write so as not to offend my brothers and sisters or step mother. I called my biological dad Old Man and though he didn't raise me he was there whenever I needed him. I pale in his shadow as well. I had and have the utmost respect for him as a man and as a dad. I know we didn't see a whole lot of each other, but we shared love for each other all the same. Then I had a couple of uncles and a great grandfather I thought of as a dad as well.
The first one left was Keith. I remember us all walking down the street in Newport and I was dragging along. I whined and he said, "Come on slow poke." I remember picking up the pace, not out of fear but out of respect and love, trying to step where he stepped. I can remember the razor strap, one lick, but it counted, lol. He was strong as an Ox and loved his family like most men would like to. It ended all too soon though I'll see him again. After Keith's death the family seemed to split and we all tried to stay in the middle and straddle the line. It worked for a few years.
Bill was a good man, though we didn't start off right, we eventually got there and the beating was eventually healed. . He would take me up in a helicopter or airplane, and it felt so free. Towards hi end I remember him buying me a pink panties and a pink bra as a joke when my hair started getting longer. Slowly we were gaining respect for each other, then he crashed and died gallantly trying to save the man with him. Neither would be saved.
Papa was a man who always smiled. I still say he and Annie were opposites. Annie believed in work and money (though they had no money), and Papa believed in God. Papa's heart was bad after a river flooding and he tried to save his corn, actually I think he succeeded, but it cost him dearly. I remember Papa walking to the dairy barn, he couldn't do much but he did what he could. Papa loved to laugh and loved to make others laugh. He made sure you know you were loved. The last time I seen Papa, he and Annie were reading the newspaper on a metal couch.
Then Gerald, he was a firecracker. This man could fall in a cow pile and come out smelling like a rose. Like his brother Keith he always smiled. He actually worked hard, put he played hard too, just like Keith. Gerald's last years were spent in pain. The loss of Keith and Papa, then a few years later his oldest son murdered, 8 months lacking 2 days later his mom dies in his arms. He had others that spurred him on. He got mean for a while. I went down there one night, Edna called and said he was violent and drunk again. He put a .25 Raven pistol in my face, cocked it. Either I could go with him or he would shoot me in the face point blank range. I cry and he cried. I told him, "Gerald, if it will ease your pain I'll stand right here and you can shoot me... if it will heal your pain, I love you that much." He started to shake and cry and said, "I can't shoot you. Hell boy I helped raise you. I love you like my son.", as he pulled into me to hug me. For Gerald, he changed that day, and yes, I would have gone through with it if he had. Gerald had died of Walking Pneumonia.
Then the Old Man, Bobby. His most memorable thing he did was at Gerald's death. He sat beside me and told me for the first time he love me. He said he knew I thought of Gerald as a dad, but I still had him and dad. That in my opinion scream loud, I love you.Up until recently I became like him, a workaholic and same tempers ,, yet we always shared.We talked more than ever when he succumb to his cancer.
That left me to dad, which like the rest was never complaining or competing with then other dads. I still don't know how they did it, but I think God for that. Me and dad would fuss to the extent people thought we'd fight, and looking back, he usually was. Dad told me he served in WW2, and me and another boy's dad All argued, only he served as a nurse in what would later be called a Mash. These dudes were brave, running into fire to save them. None of them ever wanted to see another war. He died on Denise & me 21st Anniversary. Stroke
So to me dads, if you hear me thank you.
I have tried to copy Your strengths, character, kindness, loyalty, and most of all faith. Now if I can install just a fraction of the kindness, faith, acceptance. I'm a dad and now a granddad, it is wonderful thing, most times. If you could ask any of these men what they wanted for Father's Day... we already have it. Now I understand. You all had different talents yet you had the most important , and that is that I pray I meet your expectations. I'll be home soon. I Love you all and thank you.
The first one left was Keith. I remember us all walking down the street in Newport and I was dragging along. I whined and he said, "Come on slow poke." I remember picking up the pace, not out of fear but out of respect and love, trying to step where he stepped. I can remember the razor strap, one lick, but it counted, lol. He was strong as an Ox and loved his family like most men would like to. It ended all too soon though I'll see him again. After Keith's death the family seemed to split and we all tried to stay in the middle and straddle the line. It worked for a few years.
Bill was a good man, though we didn't start off right, we eventually got there and the beating was eventually healed. . He would take me up in a helicopter or airplane, and it felt so free. Towards hi end I remember him buying me a pink panties and a pink bra as a joke when my hair started getting longer. Slowly we were gaining respect for each other, then he crashed and died gallantly trying to save the man with him. Neither would be saved.
Papa was a man who always smiled. I still say he and Annie were opposites. Annie believed in work and money (though they had no money), and Papa believed in God. Papa's heart was bad after a river flooding and he tried to save his corn, actually I think he succeeded, but it cost him dearly. I remember Papa walking to the dairy barn, he couldn't do much but he did what he could. Papa loved to laugh and loved to make others laugh. He made sure you know you were loved. The last time I seen Papa, he and Annie were reading the newspaper on a metal couch.
Then Gerald, he was a firecracker. This man could fall in a cow pile and come out smelling like a rose. Like his brother Keith he always smiled. He actually worked hard, put he played hard too, just like Keith. Gerald's last years were spent in pain. The loss of Keith and Papa, then a few years later his oldest son murdered, 8 months lacking 2 days later his mom dies in his arms. He had others that spurred him on. He got mean for a while. I went down there one night, Edna called and said he was violent and drunk again. He put a .25 Raven pistol in my face, cocked it. Either I could go with him or he would shoot me in the face point blank range. I cry and he cried. I told him, "Gerald, if it will ease your pain I'll stand right here and you can shoot me... if it will heal your pain, I love you that much." He started to shake and cry and said, "I can't shoot you. Hell boy I helped raise you. I love you like my son.", as he pulled into me to hug me. For Gerald, he changed that day, and yes, I would have gone through with it if he had. Gerald had died of Walking Pneumonia.
Then the Old Man, Bobby. His most memorable thing he did was at Gerald's death. He sat beside me and told me for the first time he love me. He said he knew I thought of Gerald as a dad, but I still had him and dad. That in my opinion scream loud, I love you.Up until recently I became like him, a workaholic and same tempers ,, yet we always shared.We talked more than ever when he succumb to his cancer.
That left me to dad, which like the rest was never complaining or competing with then other dads. I still don't know how they did it, but I think God for that. Me and dad would fuss to the extent people thought we'd fight, and looking back, he usually was. Dad told me he served in WW2, and me and another boy's dad All argued, only he served as a nurse in what would later be called a Mash. These dudes were brave, running into fire to save them. None of them ever wanted to see another war. He died on Denise & me 21st Anniversary. Stroke
So to me dads, if you hear me thank you.
I have tried to copy Your strengths, character, kindness, loyalty, and most of all faith. Now if I can install just a fraction of the kindness, faith, acceptance. I'm a dad and now a granddad, it is wonderful thing, most times. If you could ask any of these men what they wanted for Father's Day... we already have it. Now I understand. You all had different talents yet you had the most important , and that is that I pray I meet your expectations. I'll be home soon. I Love you all and thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment