This is to a lady who is having a battle. I can't find your email.
So I'm told you have all but given up the fight, and we both know it is a fight. I've been where you are, but you already know that, and why I was asked to talk to you. If you ever want to talk my number is 865-674-6318, and if it's long distance drop me an email and I'll call you. Thing is, everybody needs somebody sometime. No matter how strong we are, or how faithful we are, sometimes we need to lean a bit on a shoulder. And that is ok to do. It doesn't show weakness but only that we're human.
I'll be the first to say that cancer sucks. Thats pretty much the bottom line. The treatments and side effects suck too. I think the most pain I ever felt at one time was a heart attack, but the worst thing is cancer between the two. The heart attack you know isn't going to last forever, but every second seems like a lifetime. With cancer, every day seems like the rest and after a while you loose track of what day it is. People who haven't had an affliction like cancer probably can't understand, but we do. The hole seems deeper and deeper each day while the mountains grow higher and higher. It's hard to fight what you can't see. Harder to express to someone what you feel, even with this I hold back.
At some point it all seems pointless to try and stand, yet it isn't. There are days I would just like to lay there, just as you probably feel the same. Between the damage from the 2nd cancer and the first cancer advancing, and the heart feeling sicker, I know where you are, and it is tough as Hell. The easiest thing is to just give up sometimes. You look around at the world as it spirals down, all the ignorance that is taught, and you ask yourself why fight. Whats the use. If one doesn't get depressed then they're either on drugs or not paying attention, but there is one more way to fight the depression.
I know at times you want to scream and it seems that God doesn't care. Sometimes it feels like He doesn't exist and sometimes we get mad at Him. If your like me you listen to Christian Contemporary and on that people preach sometimes some of the dumbest stuff. I've gotten to where I turn it off or put a CD on when they start that crap. Especially the ones who say GAWD use me. That'd be ok except what if He decides the tropical islands are full. What if He decides your best use would be in prison, sick, or in a land where your hated. Then comes the even worse crowd. The GAWD is punishing you people who live in glass houses. The third ones are the idiots who say God will give you what you want if you pray hard enough. If you have faith He will keep bad things from happening to you, and make everything great. I bet Job would like those crowds...not. For the most part, as an Indian Chief once said, "Its easy to be brave at a distance." Then there are the few, the real Christians. The ones not boasting, not pointing fingers, not making a show, but actually caring.
So here is the thing. Its OK to be mad. Its ok to question... even God. There isn't anything that isn't normal on that. It's normal to want to stop, especially when the pain comes, and that is too often. Look around though at those who love you. Do they actually know what you are going through? No, but they feel pain too, just a different kind. They fear. Maybe this is what we were born for, I hope not, but one never knows. I figure what if. What if the Hell you are going through helps someone else. What if the fight you fight gives another the courage to fight the good fight. What if someone finds peace observing your war. What if someone finds God through your suffering. What if you draw closer to God through all the long days and nights. I know nights are pain, thats why I'm up late too.
Great people are not born but created through strife and endurance. You fight a battle you may or may not win, and that my friend puts you in the minority of great people. I will guarantee that win or lose the physical, it doesn't matter, not really, not in the great scheme of things. In 100 years we probably will not be remembered, as it should be. The greatest people who ever lived are usually not. It isn't strength that wins the war, it's durability. Even then we all loose eventually. Even if you were healthy the clock starts ticking from the moment your born. Life is passing by and death draws closer each breath. So whats the point? Breaths are pointless, of no real value. It is what is done between those breaths that matter. There is the value. God grants the number of breaths we take, and grants us the right to do as we see fit. IE: Freewill.
So here is my weird way of looking at things. Read this a few times : I do not matter. Tomorrow does not matter. Yesterday does not matter. What I do matters, and what I do today matters. It matters to others and it matters to God.
I know you have faith and that sometimes it stretches a bit thin, or at least mine did and sometimes still does. I use to look and read the walk in the sand thing, you know, the one that says Jesus carries us, with doubt. In know deep inside that hold a special meaning for you, it does me. You are not and never will be alone in your suffering, unless you choose to be. You, I, and everybody else were sent here for something, something only you can do. Society brain washes us that there are degrees of things. That only a few have something important to do. That talents are graded. The truth is, all are equal. All are important to God, and that is all that counts. There is something that He gave each of us that only we can do, and they're all important. Maybe it's digging a ditch or being a doctor, but they are equal to God.
I have come to believe that we are looked upon from a loving God, not some pissed off bully wanting to abuse His creations. I can't speak for Him but maybe, just maybe, the suffering He allows us to go through is minor in the grand scheme of things. It sucks but it is what it is. What I can tell you is that whatever this life brings, one day if we're faithful and with grace, it is worth every second. I can tell you this life's misery is nothing compared to what comes next. Here is the thing though. It is His decision when that time comes. He respects us enough to allow us to do as we choose between breaths, but He calls the number of breaths. I think we are to fight. Fight the misery. Fight the injustices. Fight the evil. Fight the lies. In all that fighting though, love God. Love people. Love truth.
Your knocked down and it's ok to rest sometimes, but get back up. The easy things and ways are usually the wrong things and ways, and it's easy to just stay down. It doesn't seem fair because it isn't, but life seldom is. You are in a world of darkness but never forget, this is your time to shine. I guarantee that you are a light for others. We all have darkness sometimes in one way or the other, yet if we could see we are all connected. Through that connection though the darkness be different, the light from another shines through.
Cancer can limit what you do physically and sometimes mentally, sometimes even spiritually if we let it. Sometimes it takes longer to get back up, knowing you'll be knocked back down. Cancer has a lot of power, but what it cannot take from you is your spirit. It cannot take from you the things you came into this world with, love. It cannot take from you the truth. It cannot take from you your faith. It cannot take from you your God. Not without your consent and I'm sure you will see like I do, I'll be damned if I'll let it. You have something special to do. Maybe it's the newsletter, maybe it's something else or both. This is your time though to shine. Be that light in the darkness, not for yourself, but for those you love. Those you may not even know. Listen to the song:
So I'm told you have all but given up the fight, and we both know it is a fight. I've been where you are, but you already know that, and why I was asked to talk to you. If you ever want to talk my number is 865-674-6318, and if it's long distance drop me an email and I'll call you. Thing is, everybody needs somebody sometime. No matter how strong we are, or how faithful we are, sometimes we need to lean a bit on a shoulder. And that is ok to do. It doesn't show weakness but only that we're human.
I'll be the first to say that cancer sucks. Thats pretty much the bottom line. The treatments and side effects suck too. I think the most pain I ever felt at one time was a heart attack, but the worst thing is cancer between the two. The heart attack you know isn't going to last forever, but every second seems like a lifetime. With cancer, every day seems like the rest and after a while you loose track of what day it is. People who haven't had an affliction like cancer probably can't understand, but we do. The hole seems deeper and deeper each day while the mountains grow higher and higher. It's hard to fight what you can't see. Harder to express to someone what you feel, even with this I hold back.
At some point it all seems pointless to try and stand, yet it isn't. There are days I would just like to lay there, just as you probably feel the same. Between the damage from the 2nd cancer and the first cancer advancing, and the heart feeling sicker, I know where you are, and it is tough as Hell. The easiest thing is to just give up sometimes. You look around at the world as it spirals down, all the ignorance that is taught, and you ask yourself why fight. Whats the use. If one doesn't get depressed then they're either on drugs or not paying attention, but there is one more way to fight the depression.
I know at times you want to scream and it seems that God doesn't care. Sometimes it feels like He doesn't exist and sometimes we get mad at Him. If your like me you listen to Christian Contemporary and on that people preach sometimes some of the dumbest stuff. I've gotten to where I turn it off or put a CD on when they start that crap. Especially the ones who say GAWD use me. That'd be ok except what if He decides the tropical islands are full. What if He decides your best use would be in prison, sick, or in a land where your hated. Then comes the even worse crowd. The GAWD is punishing you people who live in glass houses. The third ones are the idiots who say God will give you what you want if you pray hard enough. If you have faith He will keep bad things from happening to you, and make everything great. I bet Job would like those crowds...not. For the most part, as an Indian Chief once said, "Its easy to be brave at a distance." Then there are the few, the real Christians. The ones not boasting, not pointing fingers, not making a show, but actually caring.
So here is the thing. Its OK to be mad. Its ok to question... even God. There isn't anything that isn't normal on that. It's normal to want to stop, especially when the pain comes, and that is too often. Look around though at those who love you. Do they actually know what you are going through? No, but they feel pain too, just a different kind. They fear. Maybe this is what we were born for, I hope not, but one never knows. I figure what if. What if the Hell you are going through helps someone else. What if the fight you fight gives another the courage to fight the good fight. What if someone finds peace observing your war. What if someone finds God through your suffering. What if you draw closer to God through all the long days and nights. I know nights are pain, thats why I'm up late too.
Great people are not born but created through strife and endurance. You fight a battle you may or may not win, and that my friend puts you in the minority of great people. I will guarantee that win or lose the physical, it doesn't matter, not really, not in the great scheme of things. In 100 years we probably will not be remembered, as it should be. The greatest people who ever lived are usually not. It isn't strength that wins the war, it's durability. Even then we all loose eventually. Even if you were healthy the clock starts ticking from the moment your born. Life is passing by and death draws closer each breath. So whats the point? Breaths are pointless, of no real value. It is what is done between those breaths that matter. There is the value. God grants the number of breaths we take, and grants us the right to do as we see fit. IE: Freewill.
So here is my weird way of looking at things. Read this a few times : I do not matter. Tomorrow does not matter. Yesterday does not matter. What I do matters, and what I do today matters. It matters to others and it matters to God.
I know you have faith and that sometimes it stretches a bit thin, or at least mine did and sometimes still does. I use to look and read the walk in the sand thing, you know, the one that says Jesus carries us, with doubt. In know deep inside that hold a special meaning for you, it does me. You are not and never will be alone in your suffering, unless you choose to be. You, I, and everybody else were sent here for something, something only you can do. Society brain washes us that there are degrees of things. That only a few have something important to do. That talents are graded. The truth is, all are equal. All are important to God, and that is all that counts. There is something that He gave each of us that only we can do, and they're all important. Maybe it's digging a ditch or being a doctor, but they are equal to God.
I have come to believe that we are looked upon from a loving God, not some pissed off bully wanting to abuse His creations. I can't speak for Him but maybe, just maybe, the suffering He allows us to go through is minor in the grand scheme of things. It sucks but it is what it is. What I can tell you is that whatever this life brings, one day if we're faithful and with grace, it is worth every second. I can tell you this life's misery is nothing compared to what comes next. Here is the thing though. It is His decision when that time comes. He respects us enough to allow us to do as we choose between breaths, but He calls the number of breaths. I think we are to fight. Fight the misery. Fight the injustices. Fight the evil. Fight the lies. In all that fighting though, love God. Love people. Love truth.
Your knocked down and it's ok to rest sometimes, but get back up. The easy things and ways are usually the wrong things and ways, and it's easy to just stay down. It doesn't seem fair because it isn't, but life seldom is. You are in a world of darkness but never forget, this is your time to shine. I guarantee that you are a light for others. We all have darkness sometimes in one way or the other, yet if we could see we are all connected. Through that connection though the darkness be different, the light from another shines through.
Cancer can limit what you do physically and sometimes mentally, sometimes even spiritually if we let it. Sometimes it takes longer to get back up, knowing you'll be knocked back down. Cancer has a lot of power, but what it cannot take from you is your spirit. It cannot take from you the things you came into this world with, love. It cannot take from you the truth. It cannot take from you your faith. It cannot take from you your God. Not without your consent and I'm sure you will see like I do, I'll be damned if I'll let it. You have something special to do. Maybe it's the newsletter, maybe it's something else or both. This is your time though to shine. Be that light in the darkness, not for yourself, but for those you love. Those you may not even know. Listen to the song:
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