I'll be 52 this year, if God allows, and that age changes things. OK 30 changed a lot, 40 even more. I notice things and look upon the world a lot differently now. It's ok too, I think it is suppose to be this way. Most teens, twenties, and even thirties can't understand me as I go onto the golden years. Many shows that we watch has people regressing into their childhood, or portray older people as senile, just like we once did, seems like yesterday.
I went from rags to riches to rags... all in a blink of an eye. Younger, that was my aspiration, to be rich. I almost made it too. I wanted the latest craze in electronic toys, so I bought them. I wanted a new car every so often. Done that too. Designer clothes. Got them. When we did go to church we were in the latest style, the latest great vehicle, with all the latest toys. We even had debt to prove it, but we didn't show that part. I had become a god in my own mind, I just never said it. Then at times I must have been God's favorite one because He had allowed me to do well.
Now it's funny but none of those brought about a happiness that lasted. To be that happy, where was the content? Someone always had just a little better, so I'd work had to pay the monthly bills for it. It was just too hard to save and buy it. Old people, ones that wanted to keep the race afloat done that and it was why they were behind. The older they got the fewer that wanted to compete. It just didn't make sense. These were the people driving an old car doing 35mph in a 55mph lane... and they seemed to be going where you go. Every time you caught a straight-a-way of road they sped up too! The Farmer Browns you would get behind and cuss. They weren't even in style.
So now that I will be 52, I reflect back while I annualized the feeling of another year. Some churches even sought after me to come, knowing I had money, but now poor again, I hear few requests to go these days, not much profit in a poor man. I drive an older truck and my wife's SUV is getting there too. We still see no room for trading in and having payments. I've now become that old man that gets cussed for going too slow. I dress however is comfortable. So I go there slower knowing if it is meant I will have it abd if I don't get it, it was meant I not have something. .I'm over attempting to impress strangers. I got good clothes but I feel restricted in them.
I've leaned that stuff dad want to teach me how to do. I done so under protest though. Imagine my surprise at 44 that I wasn't a god and never would be. Shocked that my dialect wasn't as good as those who are on movies and TV because it wasn't suppose to be. I'll bet most of their isn't either. I became the guy who suddenly figured out that I did not have everything figured out, and dad was not behind but was ahead, way ahead of what I had figured. I finally worked myself back into this understanding. I had remnants of the past collections, even had most of the junk I collected, but that is what it turned out to be... junk.
With receding hair, dentures, and the age spread... my looks were gone. Where I once ran I now walked, sometimes having to take breaks along the way. I watch on as some of my friends try and recapture their youth. They look silly and at times, just plain dumb. All that dye on their hair and collect bills in the mailbox. Keeping the dream alive. Really? Annnnd contentment comes in handy there?
But I have resolved to be that senile old man who doesn't care what is in style, clothes or cars. I'm also the old man that pisses people off going too slow in front. I'm the one who knows a lot of what the younger generation now calls useless information, but they will be learning it soon. I've found out two things so far. 1 that I don't know enough on anything. 2 That I'm too young to be this old. :) Rather than try and regain my childhood years, or glory days, I think I'd rather be me. Poor but glad to be here. Just a middle aged man with a middle aged wife, dad to my girls and Papaw to my grandkids. I finally got smart enough to figure out that when I thought I was rich I wasn't. I placed my faith in myself rather than God, so I wasn't that smart. I've accumulated too many things that are for moth and rust, when I could have accumulated this of true wealth. Family and friends. Being this way I found that I am happy with no needs for other things, for the first time in my life... I am content. I am at peace. This is a peace that only God can give and open your eyes to see it. Sure does beat the hunt.
I went from rags to riches to rags... all in a blink of an eye. Younger, that was my aspiration, to be rich. I almost made it too. I wanted the latest craze in electronic toys, so I bought them. I wanted a new car every so often. Done that too. Designer clothes. Got them. When we did go to church we were in the latest style, the latest great vehicle, with all the latest toys. We even had debt to prove it, but we didn't show that part. I had become a god in my own mind, I just never said it. Then at times I must have been God's favorite one because He had allowed me to do well.
Now it's funny but none of those brought about a happiness that lasted. To be that happy, where was the content? Someone always had just a little better, so I'd work had to pay the monthly bills for it. It was just too hard to save and buy it. Old people, ones that wanted to keep the race afloat done that and it was why they were behind. The older they got the fewer that wanted to compete. It just didn't make sense. These were the people driving an old car doing 35mph in a 55mph lane... and they seemed to be going where you go. Every time you caught a straight-a-way of road they sped up too! The Farmer Browns you would get behind and cuss. They weren't even in style.
So now that I will be 52, I reflect back while I annualized the feeling of another year. Some churches even sought after me to come, knowing I had money, but now poor again, I hear few requests to go these days, not much profit in a poor man. I drive an older truck and my wife's SUV is getting there too. We still see no room for trading in and having payments. I've now become that old man that gets cussed for going too slow. I dress however is comfortable. So I go there slower knowing if it is meant I will have it abd if I don't get it, it was meant I not have something. .I'm over attempting to impress strangers. I got good clothes but I feel restricted in them.
I've leaned that stuff dad want to teach me how to do. I done so under protest though. Imagine my surprise at 44 that I wasn't a god and never would be. Shocked that my dialect wasn't as good as those who are on movies and TV because it wasn't suppose to be. I'll bet most of their isn't either. I became the guy who suddenly figured out that I did not have everything figured out, and dad was not behind but was ahead, way ahead of what I had figured. I finally worked myself back into this understanding. I had remnants of the past collections, even had most of the junk I collected, but that is what it turned out to be... junk.
With receding hair, dentures, and the age spread... my looks were gone. Where I once ran I now walked, sometimes having to take breaks along the way. I watch on as some of my friends try and recapture their youth. They look silly and at times, just plain dumb. All that dye on their hair and collect bills in the mailbox. Keeping the dream alive. Really? Annnnd contentment comes in handy there?
But I have resolved to be that senile old man who doesn't care what is in style, clothes or cars. I'm also the old man that pisses people off going too slow in front. I'm the one who knows a lot of what the younger generation now calls useless information, but they will be learning it soon. I've found out two things so far. 1 that I don't know enough on anything. 2 That I'm too young to be this old. :) Rather than try and regain my childhood years, or glory days, I think I'd rather be me. Poor but glad to be here. Just a middle aged man with a middle aged wife, dad to my girls and Papaw to my grandkids. I finally got smart enough to figure out that when I thought I was rich I wasn't. I placed my faith in myself rather than God, so I wasn't that smart. I've accumulated too many things that are for moth and rust, when I could have accumulated this of true wealth. Family and friends. Being this way I found that I am happy with no needs for other things, for the first time in my life... I am content. I am at peace. This is a peace that only God can give and open your eyes to see it. Sure does beat the hunt.
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