History Channel wrong again

    I will not be watching the fantasy flight of Air Force 1 on 9-11, 18 years ago. It simply never happened. 147 flights were made that day in a scramble effort to get Bin Laden's family out of the USA and to safety. At a time when none of the Presidents were allowed to fly, the bin Ladens did and with the government's blessing. Nice try History Channel, busted again. Osama, in a NY hospital, was also moved, he was in Renal Failure and died 6 months later.  

  The people that died that day deserve to be remembered with truth and honesty. Those innocent people that lost their lives, some in attempting to save others, deserve the truth. They also deserve to be remembered as victims that didn't have a dog in that race, they were just simply a means to a way to have perpetuated, never-ending war on a people that we had no business attacking. They were as innocent as the Americans that died that day and every day in the last 18 years. JFK tried to warn us as did other Presidents about the Military-Industrial Complex. sadly, we didn't listen.

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Want

  I  think of all the words we have, use, and live with and by is want. This word is followed closely and often mixed with the word pride. I'm not saying to want is always bad, but when it consumes our lives it can become bad. Nightmares are created real by the word want. Wars have been fought for want. Atrocities are committed every day by want. Murders committed and lies told from that one word that represents an action... want. Souls have been lost over the love of want. Families destroyed over want and hearts broken over want. Most sins committed is from want as well as faith lost from want. Economies thrive from want while poor are created from want. Marriages broken, families divided, and hearts divided over want. Not just a word be perhaps a word that describes a desire or feeling, a state of mind... want. The most dangerous word that can be found, four letter or else, want. It is often mistaken for the word need. Wants are not needs nor are needs wants.

  It is the want for power that some have that causes them to trample others to the ground. The want for control that enslaves another human unto another. The want for possessions that creates a thief and if that want is even bigger, can cause wars. The want for supremacy which feeds the need to be more than their fellow humans by killing, not by raising oneself higher but rather lowering the ones they crave superiority of. This want leads as well to lies and if given enough time and money, lowering the IQ of the future people. The want for fame or fortune, for tangible and intangible things, all are linked to one another for the most part. Hell was created by want, the one here and afterward.

  Be that as it may, want also has power to do good depending on what is added with. Indeed we have power we are granted, all of us, for we have the power to determine and limit want. When want is added with the words I want or you, it can bring about love, ho9nor, peace, and satisfaction. That of course depends on one's other wants. Indeed, to want can be good or bad, depending on our ability to master it.     

Oversimplified ?

  So I was invited to join a group on Facebook a while back, and I seldom go look there but I get alerts when stuff is posted. I get invitations to End Times and Genesis 6 Boards quite some lot. This one was the Watchmen Board, which told me there were other Watchmen on it and since we don't know all the others I was excited. The lady (yes a lady) who invited me to join the Watchmen has similar beliefs as I do, but that isn't always the case. I still don't know exactly who chooses ones to be one or by what criteria they use. Maybe it was my website, this isn't the site, just the Blog, neither is Facebook or Pintrest. I do a lot on Pintrest these days, but not all the details and information. I find myself at odds with a lot of the Watchmen, guess I'm the black sheep of the lot. I've unjoined more groups than I take part in and use a Pen Name usually rather than my own. One cannot and should not do this for self glory, money, or prejudice.

  So this last attempt I made at a group I joined that looks at End Times type news, a guy, I assume he started that board, wrote an interesting piece concerning Israel. I didn't respond and seriously doubt I will, I have noticed the prejudice he has towards Israel. He and his friend are starting a Radio Show, not sure but I think a TV Show too, from Jerusalem. They say they want to show the real Jerusalem. It seems lately a lot of Watchmen have come out pro Israel. I am not either way, I have never been there, have some friends I have made that live there, but never actually been, nor do I wish to go. The only place I considered was Africa after being invited to come and speak there. I would like to see Africa, but I probably will never get to go there. It was nice though to be asked and invited to go there. Any way, back to the topic... I need to focus.

  In this writing he talks about why there is so much violence in Israel between Muslims and Israelis. According to him it is over the "Holy Sites" and how Muslims wish to claim the sites too. During this "revealing" he claims that the Muslims burnt one of the sites. I should also state that I have some Muslim friends as well and I base a lot of what I think about that religion on them. No religion will desecrate what they consider "Holy Ground", especially the big 3, Christianity, Judaism, and Islamic, which oddly enough share many of the Old Testament people. When I read that I detected an aroma of bullshit. Yes, I spelled that word out since alluding to or abbreviating it is the same as just saying it. My beliefs differ from both of the other two at the New Testament, so I try and not take sides, I just look at facts. The fact is no religion who holds a site sacred will destroy it, unless it is a false flag event. For those who don't know what a false flag term means, Google it.

   Is that the real turmoil in the Middle East? The whole thing, according to him, is that they want the holy sites to claim as theirs. If that is the case then it is akin to 2 spoiled children fighting over who owns the sand in a sandbox. It is land, doesn't "belong" to anybody but both have the same characters in their beliefs. Get over it and share. Therein, I don't believe it is that simple either. Facts show that all 3 beliefs loved in harmony together until the creation, I should say invasion, which happened in the 40s. Violence there seems to be spread by 2 factions. The Powers That Be and ignorance. That can by put as evil people doing evil things backed by stupid people doing stupid things. One can see that by the victims on both sides. I was asked once, who should we back? Neither, we've no dog in that fight and plenty of our own troubles on the table to work on here. There are extremists on all sides of all beliefs, and none at all. We can focus on what we differ on, or focus on what similarities we have.                
      

Sometimes It Is Better To...

  I read a writing that a friend commented on he read in one of my writings. It must have been old and I have a few places I post at, mainly on my own site. Now this is not a close friend, matter of fact we've never spoken on the phone or met in person. We have different religious perspective, aka eschatology. We read the Bible much, much differently. We are alike however in we come pretty much straight forward with the things we believe in writings and in his case, his sermons. He is a Preacher and I think a Theologian, but definitely a Preacher. I am about as far removed from that as anybody, this is my main format of conveying my beliefs and on my Pintrest I convey some information while holding back. On my site though I rent the server so I do not hold back, but admittedly I don't write and post information like I once did. It is there I will assume he found an older writing. His way and beliefs work for him and he is pretty well set, a sincere guy and I believe well meaning. I will, out of respect, refrain from naming names as I believe he  is sincere.

  Where he decided to focus was on a writing or maybe writings of when I say God says Be still and know that I am God. His interpretation is correct in that God is saying wait and watch and see His power and He will handle things, but it is not complete. His assessment on my writings is that he is a bit confused as to what I wrote and perhaps I did not spell it out as clearly as I meant to. I am a member on his site and I could make straight my beliefs and challenge his words but I think he will eventually find this writing. If he does he does and if not, well thats ok too. You see sometimes it is better to leave some things well enough alone, focus on what is in common, and walk away from a small issue. His issue is with my description rather than the Bible, perhaps spun out of my beliefs on areas we differ on that I feel is important. Reading some of his books I learned some information I didn't know on the Genesis 6 part.

   He writes from a different world than I do and on a different perspective, one of reading without experiencing. There are things that we try and understand at a distance, reading the words and having some understanding, yet no depth in that understanding due to experiences. Lets just say that sometimes we are surface skimmers, skimming atop the waters of a pond without going deeper than we need to be in order to have a complete understanding of what the Author is trying to convey. Perhaps that is why most of the time bad people are chosen and converted and no matter if they were good or bad, they have plenty of challenges. I'm talking about real challenges, not the ones we perceive as a challenge. I'm talking about life or death, you have done all you can humanly do, doctors have done all they know to do, and there is nothing left but God who has the power to change things. Translated, yes God and He alone has that power to right the wrongs, stop the flood, fight the enemies, do the battle for you. Thus the words "Be still and know that I am God", for one is exhausted and losing the battle, so one becomes still, as one can only do that, all else is lost.

  I need to say this though, God's answer is that He may chose not to do battle for you in the physical world. If He choses not to do so it is not always a reflection of the person's status or goodness with God. It may be no because it does not fit His purpose or plans. If it be fatal, be that sickness, disease, or accident, God has not abandoned the person who is still. One of the biggest, most tragic mistakes and assumptions I see is when people judge the afflicted, injured, or defeated person as not worth of God's help. God and only God knows a person's heart and only He can judge justly. Since that measure of judgment you use will one day be used on you, think positive at best, neutral at worst. This benefits only you. I can't help but sometimes wonder if they have attributed the wrong god with God but giving Him a rod and a temper to strike down everybody. If so, that is Zeus. One must remember that God's decision to do or not do is a just one and is to serve His purpose. For the faithful it will be a true life, for the not faithful it will be the end. It is never our purpose to judge a person's faithfulness for we cannot see their heart or know their mind.

   So what is the difference? What is the big deal? Bottom line, all suffering is not pointless, actually it is just the opposite. What if we are just given events and we determine if they are good or bad? The dangers of this can be a few ways. The first way is that the person in trouble may just chose to quit, stop fighting, thinking God will do their battles and they do not have to do anything. The second way is they can easily be convinced that God not doing the battle for them that they are not truly saved or worthy of His assistance. Sometimes they are told their faith just isn't strong enough. I have seen this one played out in real life. I had an Aunt who fought cancer three times and the last time took her out. She started going to church and they had her crawl to the front, upon the stage, beg and cry. As the disease advanced she was told her faith just wasn't enough. She died thinking it was her fault for a weak faith. This was a good woman. When all is lost, one has little options than being still. A person who has never been to that point need not to judge or attempt to judge that which they do not know. To do so is in serious err and God holds those who claim the Teacher degree more harshly. They teach what they do not know. God listens and hears.                     

Welcome To The New

   For those of us who have had a bad health event, and those who are getting older, welcome to the new. I spent most of my life as a workaholic. People have many hobbies, mine was working, except I didn't see it as working most of the time. Reflecting back I am sometimes amazed at what all got done around here. There was and is however a cost that goes along with it, family time. The way I saw it was we all benefited from my laborious lifestyle. It was much easier to give or make or repair things than to give of myself, and I see that now. In the old days when we were mostly a farming country that wouldn't be bad, they took their kids with them. I done that too except I was never patient, UPS had taught me to count not the minutes, but the seconds. "Trim the seconds and the minutes will take care of themselves." This to me made sense. I came from a family of workaholics so naturally it would make sense. The biggest difference was they allowed time for me to learn. Over the years I learned Carpentry, Electrician work, Masonry, Electronics, Plumbing, Gardening, Farming, some Auto mechanics, Incubation, and a little Auto Body. Honestly I would still have that pace if possible, it was all I knew.

  Then at 44 I had the heart attack. I recovered well from it but I don't think things ever go back as they were, physically, mentally, spiritually. Then, 7 months later they found I had a Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I was however close. I did not welcome the new me but fought against it. Though I never won I didn't quit so I wasn't defeated. Enter a surgery on a shoulder injury that did not go as well as we'd hoped. I lost 37% use of the arm and it was permanent. The new me was recovering but would forever change just a tad more. In the past I had been bitten by a Brown Recluse Spider and recovered well. Had a Deer Tick bite me and it brought about Lymes Disease and over a year of meds. Though my body had permanent damage one would never know it. Pernicious Anemia, again a change but again I beat it back by working with what was left. I figured I had weather the storm before and worked around what was damaged, except this time, I was effected spiritually and emotionally. There was no working around that. I, for the first time, saw me from another's eyes, and I didn't like what I saw... and still don't. We weren't done just yet though.

  In 2009 I developed, or at least it was found, Stage 3 cancer in my throat and not the slow kind or the good kind, if there is such a thing. Not by my own doing but with God's help and the ones He placed around me, I survived that too. This one however took it;s toll on me, one you can't work around no matter how hard you try. As the side effects mounted from the treatments the frustration amounted as well. I lost my strength and stamina and no matter how hard I tried, I could not rise about the damage. I had however wrote down on a blog my journey and though my grammar lacks according to the standard, I have improved. As my body failed me and I could not climb back up, I began reading. Welcome again to the new, like it or not. For the next few years I was frustrated, still am, just not as bad. Today is one of those days, so I write since I can do little else. Now at 55, I wear down even easier. I watch and listen to some talk about being  my age and full of life then I see them and they do nothing like I miss doing. There are exceptions, but the key word is exception.

   So enter in the age factor and we have a steady decline. When I was 30, even 40, I knew my life was at the most half way. That changes after 50 as one gets the signals of old age. Even if I had good health I would know that 55 is past the half way mark and one contemplates their own lifespan. At one point in my life I could do my things plus requests. Now I do well for one and not both. Perhaps it is God's way of using nature to tell us we have to give of what we have the most of... ourselves. Somehow that doesn't seem enough, yet it is. We have believed and lived a lie. We look back at past events that have occurred and suddenly realize that it was just a bump, a glitch in the system. Fires seem like   sparks for the most part.

  As I get older my waist thickens and my muscles decline. My hair no longer is thick as it thins nor my beard the texture it once was. I hurt in places I didn't even know I have as the glory and ignorance of youth becomes the regrets of old age. My eyesight dims at distant objects and fuzzes close ones too. I am old, not dead but old and I am made aware when I go for that second breath after hitting a wall, only to see it is not there. The mind is most willing but the body is not. I see a beautiful lady and think that is a pretty girl and do not desire her. When I look in the mirror I no longer think I look ok, then look at my wife and wonder what she sees in me. I no longer desire fleeting things, drama or excitement... I just want peace and calm. There are few conquests apart to just be. My experiences, though they were not all good have developed me to who and what I am and am not. I see my advice to the young is not wanted, as I try and spare them what I have lived. I fault them not for once they were me. I envy them not, for once I was where they are. To where I once saw myself accomplished and successful I see it was in ways and areas that over time mean not. I see my failures that were once invisible to my eyes and heart. Welcome, I hear in the whisper of the air. Welcome to the new.            

Have a Beer?

   Sometimes I think maybe no TV and certainly not for my kids. It seems we stoop lower and worse each month in what is on TV. From women's famine products to a man's inability to have sex to drinking. We wonder what is wrong with society, well maybe we have just slipped at the wheel. We merely kid ourselves thinking placing a fish or cross on our car makes up for our failure to stand and say no. We do not shield our eyes let alone our children's eyes from liars and perverts who seem to have almost taken all forms of media over. Probably one of the wisest things said was by the Dali lama in teaching people and if necessary use words. My thoughts are simple, what you do shouts while words simply whisper. Lead by example.

   TV is a complete lie, sometimes a good lie, sometimes a bad lie, but always a lie. Thing is, we seem to imitate what we see and those young eyes watching us are small mirrors absorbing it all in. I use to work at a big corporation and a pig roast that a fellow worker had yearly I refused to attend because it was a byob event. I knew full well that meant bring your own bottle and that was exactly what would be done. It was a family party with "adult drinks" permitted. I'm an adult and I don't drink and I don't take my kids around drinking so the signal is not confused. Adults drink a lot of things and alcohol at one time was not on that list. Now I never protested or judged any of them for having that party, even laughed at some of the stupid things some done when stories were told. But I was labeled and chastised for not partaking. Its this pressure that some succumb to, and years ago I did too. Luckily I ran with a cousin that though he looked the part like I did with a beard and long hair, had the balls to stand tall and say no. That inspired me eventually to stand and say no too.

  Pier pressure comes not only from those you work or go to school with but from TV and magazine ads. Now the thing I can't figure is we all want to be individuals, to stand apart from the crowd, to be respected for our strength, yet we fall in line wanting to fit in. Kids get tattoos, piercings, scarification, just to stand apart. They probably would except it seems like this is the pattern, the norm, the fit in. So do they stand out? No. People party using drugs and alcohol, wear a designer whatever or trashy looking clothing, simply to fit in, all the while screaming for individuality. True individuality and strength comes not from words nor falling in line. True strength can only be expressed by actions and noticed by observation unaware. True strength is standing a ground that others have left aside.

  But I'll come down hard on drinking. I know that a drink every now and then isn't the worse thing morally one can do, but it is the weakest thing one can do. On TV they show these good looking well built people all drinking. They are having fun, a happy event, chocked full of energy. Is that real? NO, and I can attest from experience. In reality these people will have or already has a beer belly, light of not. For the most part maybe things go well most of the time, but not for everybody. Beer is a depressant so when some people get depressed they fight, while others cry. People also get horny and as Shakespeare once wrote, it gives me the inhibition yet takes away the ability. That also causes hostility as tempers boil. Women are raped from either too much to drink or being laced with something to knock them out. People wreck, killing other innocent people, crippling people, even themselves. Friends become enemies and if it continues for long enough addictions happen which leads to broken relationships and wallets. Nobody plans on being a drunk.

  I read something the other day, think they even made a short film on it, how beer saved a city because the water was contaminated. According to them most cities had beer to thank. So no water to drink, exactly where do they think the water came from to brew the beer? Water boiled for even a minute is drinkable and if one adds something to flavor it, how bad is that water? Beer brought in corruption, violence, and disease. Yes disease. Beer is acidic and diseases flourish in an acidic atmosphere. That is why cancer patients are acidic.

  Even the president sat in the White House with 2 men who had issues with each other and "had a beer". It is all around us. Most corporations want their upper crust to party or at least have a few with them. By the time you realize you have lost control, it is usually too late. I had an uncle, great man, but ended up with that monkey on his back until he died. His son, a great person, murdered at a party where they were all drunk. We worry about pot but pot isn't the enemy at the gate, beer is the enemy inside the gate. I would rather my kids do neither but if they did I'd rather it be pot that beer, at least it has constructive properties.

  Most people do not know that one can become possessed when the mind is compromised. Drugs and alcohol do just that. Now some don't believe in demons or devils but they certainly believe in you. Anger, sadness, fear, all these compromise them mind as well, and they all come with an altered person, especially beer. If you are Christian then read the part about a sober mind or state, quite important. If not then perhaps consider who's fool you are when you are drunk. Tomorrow rises and the problems are still here only now they've amassed more problems to add to it. Those that rule know that as long as you are compromised, you are easily led and controlled.                      

Reflections

   This year I'll turn 55, if God so wills me to be here in a couple of months. I sat outside, under the Gazebo that is covered in Grape Vines, and looked around at what remained and what had not. More than that though was who was and was not. Some of my kids have kids now, and some not yet but will one day perhaps have a few. How did I become the old man that the kids thought was out of date and ignorant to the ways of the world? Why I was young I was radical and considered "cool", I remember a teacher calling me a Muckraker. I considered that a compliment when she told me the definition. So what happened, is that something that with time wears away?  I wasn't a bad looking guy either, built fairly well and strong as an Ox. Probably not much smarter than one either.

  From my vantage point I could see the little block Milk Parlor we had built after bad guys burnt down the massive Milk Barn. I also remember their first attempt and for one, he would never get to attempt it again. I could almost hear us working on it, not so much the outside of it, they hired that done, but the inside and the steps. I took pride in making sure each block was laid with care, ever so confident that it could withstand anything, and so it did. When the big Milk Barn was destroyed, all that remained was the block inside I had laid. I could almost see me, Gerald, and Mark at the Milk Barn. To the right of that a hill stands tall where once there were three old cars, not worth much back then but they would be worth a lot these days. Me and Joe decided one day we were bored so we played with the old cars, none of them run. We ended up breaking out all the windows with rocks, which actually was fun for a while. Right up until we got caught, then came Hickory Switch time. The red whelks they left behind on the legs lasted a few days, slightly tender to the touch, reminding us not to do that again.

  To the left was two other barns, one big and one a good size but smaller and with a hay loft. I remember being too small to lift a bale of hay so I drug it over to the hole and attempted to release it. The key word was attempted. My fingers stuck in the strings, it was a good tight bale, and down both it and I went. That earned me another trip to the doctor, Doctor Allen, who laughed as he sewed my forehead up and told me not to hold on the next time. I think that was stitches number two in that spot, the first was a wooden step years before. The big barn was a Tobacco Barn, and I don't remember how many runs we could put, but it was a lot. I remembered the cold, damp, air, a small Pot Bellied Stove sometimes giving a little heat, as Annie, Papa, Gerald, and Edna graded and hand tied each bundle. Me, Joe, and Mark were too young to tie, Annie had standards of what she liked. We would bring the graded Tobacco over to each area and place it for them to select and tie. A few bales of hay with Tobacco Sticks stuck in the hay, making dividers for us to place each grade. As memory serves me there were seven grades, but I could be wrong. Those barns has since fallen and not even remnants remain now.

   Looking in the field just a ways down I remembered me and Joe "hunting", which meant we shot anything that moved. The shotguns were bigger than we were, but we usually hit what we shot at. One day we spooked a covey of Quail. They sounded like a dozen Helicopters taking off, scared us to death and we both shot out of being alarmed. We missed but almost hit a milk cow. Can we say Hickory Switch time again, since we scared the old cow and she didn't give milk for a few days. Me and Joe were connoisseurs of the Hickory Switch. It didn't kill us, make us scared, or have a lasting effect, but it did teach us there are consequences for our actions, ones you really don't want. We were never whipped while they were angry, nor abusive. I have to say, we earned each and every one, and then some.

  The stories kept on coming, I've been here all my life. Now there remains only me and Mark of the ones I've mentioned. For a moment I felt a load of sadness, a lost feeling, depression. I remembered the last time I saw Papa. He and Annie were sitting on the porch reading the newspaper. They had a program that year where the poor kids could work for the city and me and BB, another cousin, had gotten a job that year. I could see the house where they lived, and me as well when mom and dad worked. Seven people plus farm hands in a four room house that was probably about 700 square feet. Papa had a heart attack that day and when I returned from work, he was gone. Two days after my 15th birthday in 1975. Joe was murdered in 1983 and that same year Annie died from her cancer. Later on Gerald died from pneumonia, and few years later Edna's cancer returned and she died. Beside Annie and Papa's house is mom and dad's house. They were actually my biological grandparents. Dad died about five years ago of multiple complications and mom died of cancer about a year ago. Between our houses is a barn. I have no idea who built the old small part but I remember helping Gerald, dad, and some guys build the bigger part in 1971. I remember me and Keith (Jim), BB's brother who lived with us for a while. BB and Keith are still alive but we all have other things going I guess. Down here though only me and Mark of the original crew. To just write about it in short form is easy, to remember spoon feeding Edna or Annie, watching them relearn walking and talking, or go from blind to sight. Dad wanting to come home, which never happened. Mom wanting to die at home like Edna and Annie, and Papa did... we made that happen. I promised her I would get her walking again. I failed at that, mom would never again set up let alone walk.

  Then I thought a strange thought. A sense of a life well filled and satisfied and joy came about me. A tear in my eye slowly left and a smile replaced it. I have these wonderful memories, and a lot more. I chased a dream, a false dream, of having a lot materially. Now, middle aged, thin hair and thick belly, my health is gone. I have never been rich or wealthy, but I was comfortable. UPS paid us well. I had bought toys upon toys, but sitting there, they mean nothing. To sit there and look out, even though the land has changed some, and have those memories... that is what life is about. We look for miracles and yet we fail to see the miracles that happen every single day. No walking through flames or moving mountains, but living with people you love and who love you. Did me and dad need to build all this stuff, did Gerald? It wasn't the having that is of immense value but the experience and sharing of time and teaching talents. God could have given those moments to anybody, yet He allowed me to have them. When one day we leave this place, that is what we get to take with us, the love, joy, and all the good things that can never be bought or sold, held or touched. I had to become an old man to see this.

  So take some advice not from me but from those of old. Never let the sun go down on you mad. Make peace rather that look for it. Anybody can take, so learn to give. Lead and teach and if necessary, use words. Be what you want to see. Be thankful for the smaller things, for a mountain is made from many small mounds, a beach from many grains of sand. Never see a person go hungry. Don't depend on treasures here, make treasures for after here. Strong hands do not point to the fallen, they reach out to help the fallen get back up.             

Strange Days, Strange World

  We live in a funny world, each of us in our own little space, occasionally colliding with each other.  We have a little bubble in this world that we are aware of. never seeing the bigger picture usually, and for some a bit late. I watched today as a family member got rid of stuff he once clanged onto and held so dear realizing that all this time possessions are just temporary. If there is one thing I learned the hard way it is that. That being said I still like the things I have, I just know they are things, and things are temporary at best. In this case it was an old truck and me being an old car guy I could relate. Lately my wife has tried to get me to sell some of mine stating that I would never finish them all and probably never be able to even finish one. Thing is, she is probably right. Still, they are an aspiration, a goal, an enjoyment, and for her an investment for when I leave this world. They are things though and they brought me joy while I was here and maybe they, or the money they bring, can bring joy to her... I don't expect her to keep them. I guess that is what disturbed me the most, it was in a way him saying he gives up.

  There are those living out there who would say he is wrong to quit, and I would agree, but there are times it is easier to quit then continue. We all can reach a point to where it is hard to live, where it all seems hopeless and we feel helpless. Those who have never had to fight to see the next day, and I'm not talking about broken bones or feel rough, I am talking an actual fight to remain just one more day, except even that perspective doesn't work. On fights for on more second, one more minute, one more hour, for one more day seems to hard to attain. I thought when I had a heart attack I knew that, but that was just a sample for you know deep down something has to give. When one is faced with a long term illness, disease, or disability, and days that seem to never end turn into weeks and weeks into months, that is what I am talking about. Cancer showed me this and if the first cancer didn't, the second one did.

   I do believe we are to fight, with all our might we have, and leave it up to God to say it's time. Having said that I completely understand when someone just gives in. It isn't my place to judge them, that is left up to God and Him alone, my job is to encourage and try and understand. Really that is what this life is all about, or at least it should be. In the end it doesn't matter what we owned, won, attained, or anything physical, it all fades away. Other religions, and Christianity use to too, ask a simple question. Was the world better for having you in it? If you can see it, touch it, buy it, sell it, hold it, it all succumbs to moths eating away at it, or rusts away. All physical things fade away and in time so do people, and that is OK, it is suppose to be that way. How is it that we are suppose to be so smart and yet not know that a good life has nothing to do with quantity and everything to do with quality.

  I read somewhere that the Elite either have or are very close to practically have something that increases the life span, and eventually becoming immortal. Who wants that? Have they wasted so much of their life, so much of what life should and could be, that they fear death? The thing I find amazing is the same lie that was told and believed in the Garden Of Eden about immortality is still sold and bought today. You can fix a lot of things but stupid ain't one of them. I look back at the people I loved, ones who made my life worth living and have now gone on and I think, why would I want to live forever. That is not to say I don't enjoy the ones who are here now and make life worth living, but one gets stuck somewhere in the middle. Then too things change, the world changes, and suddenly I do not understand it nor fit in anymore. This is indeed strange days.

  I can't help but wonder, was my bubble real back when I was young, or was I just raised with limited view. Back then food was real, no GMOs until the corn with the Firefly genes. We use to have food that heals, now we have food that kills. Most school lunches weren't like momma makes, but they were good and seldom did we have a choice. There was a forgive and go from there policy rather than a zero tolerance policy. In other words, we done as we want God to do when we screw up. The rules and laws were few and simple and lawmen could grant leniency if they chose to do so. Laws are like locks, they keep an honest man honest but do little to keep out a thief. There were no emphasis placed on a product mane but if the product actually lasted. Most people never felt superior to another based on their job, and supervisors actually were good at what they did and were promoted for their ability. We commended and protected Whistle Blowers, now they have to hide or seek refuge in foreign countries, yet we say we want an open door policy. When did wearing a uniform? We have people judging others for stuff they don't do while they do stuff the one judged would not consider. People spell out bad words rather than say them, it is the same thing. We desire war over peace. Pride over humility. Greed over kindness. Money has become our god, and possessions have become his demons. We are offended rather than hearing truth. We consume products made from aborted babies yet protest abortion. We drive past those less fortunate as we head home to our McMansion. We elect people that are lazy, self centered, and evil, then complain about them. We watch sports players and actors and actresses who are morally bankrupt, yet tell our kids not to be that way. We listen to songs of depression, no real meaning, and hate music. Music no longer soothes the savage beast, it creates them.  We listen to false preachers preaching things we want to hear, or at least things that do not step on our toes. Most of us never stop to think, the last time mankind was this out of control, the Earth was flooded and all was dead.  My generation said we were going to change things, and we did, just not for the better. May God forgive us.   

  I never really understood my elders as a child, I thought I was more advanced, smarter than, and stronger than. Now in my mid fifties I see what they saw, only worse. It is only now that I realize that I was in the company of great men and women, I have been blessed. I have saw men and women die, and they did so at peace, and I wondered why. Most will never know them or anything they done. They live an unremarkable life remarkably well. These are the real heroes. They drove old cars, lived in small houses, dressed as they pleased yet in a moral, respectful attire. I watched and thought and thought some more, then it hit me. These people lived for God, not the religious nut nor condemning Hippocrates, but God fearing Jesus following people. They lived for their family. They simply was happy to serve rather than being served. These people lived their lives knowing it isn't the person who points the finger but the person who lends a hand up to someone when they fall that makes life worth living. And live they did, never once living for themselves but for others. They knew you take with you and leave behind all at the same time only the things which cannot be seen, touched, bought, or sold. They knew the world was a big place with plenty of room for all, and with just enough for all.

  So in closing, where did we go wrong? At what time did we allow evil in? How have we fallen so far? It is indeed strange days in a strange world, but it doesn't have to be like this. One person cannot change the world but by each one the world can change. We all have the opportunity to make this world better, just as we have the opportunity to destroy it all. Some will call it "paying it forward", while others will call it being fulfilled. Call it what you may, but you will change inside, a good change. It is amazing the inner peace, love, and kindness that comes when you live for yourself last, placing all others at the top of your list. Anthony

Mark Of The Beast

  I read the other day where the main man at the World Central Bank is calling for an end to all money. He offers up a system whereby the world would run more off an electronic debit system. In that system you would be paid like you are now with no check nor any cash, direct deposit no return as I call it. No checks either. Nothing that is tangible would ever  be again but rather all would be electronic. For those who are ignorant this would be the ticket. For those who would profit from this system, think again. The only ones that actually will make real profit from this are those who do now, the banks and the governments. There are two or three countries that are already wanting to implement this system.

  So what is bad about that? In this system one is not rewarded to save, remember. it is a debit system. For those of us who live in the real world it has implications. If you have or go to a yard sale, Flea Market, Farmer's Market, buy off or sell to an individual on a personal basis, or do work for someone... all these will now be electronic transactions. All transactions will be taxed. If one barters then one would have to barter in goods, no goods plus cash, or boot as we call it. I think bartering would eventually be illegal.

  At first we will use Cell Phones or RFID Cards, which some already do the Phone thing and the Driver's License, at least here in Tennessee already have the RFID on the back that can be scanned. I know the Driver's License bar code works because one night we went to Target and on the way checking out I saw a 4 or 5 pack of Butane Lighters at a very good price, so I grabbed it. I was in line with mu wife who was buying something so when my turn came up the lady scanned the price then asked to see my Driver's License. This was the only item I was buying and that confused me since it was cheap and the only item I was getting. I played along though and pulled out my Billfold, flashed them to her and she requested I take it out. So I did, and she scanned the card. This took me by surprise so I asked what she had just done, Tennessee government had assured people the bar code was there but inactive. She was quiet honest, and pleased with herself, and told me she now knew my whole record... ever record on me. Then she told me her main job was Homeland Security. I laughed and told her they must have a boring job scanning Lighters, plus my slate was clean. She informed me it was clean and that if I had something, anything to hide, I would have not wanted to cooperate and it would bother me. I informed her that I had nothing to hide, as she plainly saw, but I was bothered by this who scenario, actually pissed off. It didn't seem to phase her any, so was in her own little world. To this day I do not shop, nor will I again, at Target.

  But back to the main thought. This will be a card, chip, tattoo, or electronic devise when it first starts. Many years ago, and for many years I hung out at a Conspiracy Board, which some have mentioned over the years. There I learned a lot from many people and made friends with some of the smartest researchers to be found. Most of them were Atheists and Agnostics, which I never really understood since they were smart people. They were though also from many backgrounds, colors, and beliefs, and actually that was a good thing. Religion was the big no-no with me, any part of researching critically anything to do with religion. While I was there those years I learned how to critically take everything off the table from being protected from investigation.  What I am going to expose next will also line up with the Bible.

  The physical cards, chips, tattoos, electronic devices, or recognition software will continue to get people hurt and killed as the information gets stolen. To make it safe they will do away with physical things and install a chip, nano chip actually and they already have it. No it is not hidden away in some secret lab waiting to be released, they have had it on news and variety shows. The one they are most pleased with is the Tattoo, which can be made in any image or completely invisible. The RFID Chip that has been on the market and shown all these years, picture it smaller. The Nanobots attach themselves into the body's neurological where it gets it's power from. Once attached, it can not be detached.

  The older version of Left Behind they dig out the chips and all is well. Once again, Tim LaHaye is wrong, which he seems to be good at. According to the Bible once you take the mark you are condemned for eternity and for that to happen something drastic must have occurred or changed, and it has to be irreversible. This ramps it up a bit, even more that we imagined years ago when we first heard of the chip. The advent of the pushing Tattoos I could not figure. This also tells why those that rule are promoting ink. Old Tattoos are probably free of the demonic tool, but new ones are anybody's guess, so you might as well have them ink stupid on you while there. Could this be the reason God warns us not to do them?

  In this system you will be at the mercy of whomever or whatever is running the transmissions. Piss them off and they shut your account down. Piss them off enough times and the have the power to just delete you from the system and effectively making you not able to buy or sell. With those same powers also buying up the world's water, just how long could you go? If you are a good person, as they will watch you, then like in days past you may buy your freedom. Even then, you will not be salvageable for God, when Jesus returns back. The mark and the beast will come before the "Rapture", yet another lie LaHaye and his liars have spun.

  So the next time one of the talking heads on the idiot box tells junk for news, like Abortion, Gay Rights, Presidential race, latest celebrity junk, look to see what is going on they don't want you looking at. It is a weapon of mass distraction and they don't call it TV Programming for nothing.

                   Revelation 13:15-17 (KJV)
15 And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed.
16 And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:
17 And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. 
                 Revelation 14:9-10:
 9 And the third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, If any man worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead, or in his hand,
10 The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb:

Trials and Tribulations - 2nd glance

  With the addition of bad news that came from my last follow-up, something occurred to me that had once before crossed my mind. Trials and Tribulations. In the last days we look for trials and who out there doesn't associate tribulation with the end of days. I, like many others, do believe we are in end days but not because of our tribulations--- rather because of other signs. Who among us hasn't had our share of trials and tribulations in ever day life? If you are normal and I would say blessed, you have had your share of these things. For many that will sound a bit crazy, that last sentence, but it is true. I would be the first to admit that an easier life would have been nice, but the trials and tribulations of this life have made me who I am. Right or wrong, I am who I am because of an uneasy life. As short as I fall now, I can't imagine how bad I would be if everything was smooth. You don't here that these days from "preachers" much, they know that the better you feel about yourself the more you will give. But what does the Bible say?

James 1: 2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

  1 Peter 1: 6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, 8 whom having not seen[a] you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,

John 16:33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will[a] have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Acts 14:22 strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, “We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.”

Romans 5:And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

Romans 12:12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

   Now I could go on and one, there are many other quotes and stories on this subject, but that in and of itself should be enough, suffice to say, more than enough. Make peace.

Reflections on Thanksgiving.

  So today it came to me, well actually that started last night, at how we slowly change. I watched as Denise went OCD from the stress of getting the Thanksgiving meal prepared. There were things that she did in the last 5 or so years, and things mom did. Just like a frog who will set in the water as the temperature slowly rises until he is cooked, so too does life do us. I caught myself playing a role like dad did, something I use to laugh at him for doing and swear I would never, ever be like that.

  Well, this is our 4th Thanksgiving without dad and our 1st without mom. This is also Denise's 1st without her dad... been a tough year. By today I smiled when I reflected back again, weighing my thoughts of then verses now. I remember mom busting her butt, cooking and going crazy while dad, who knew to keep out of mom's way, played the part of go for and sitting up the tables and chairs. Of course that was not so much by his design but mom's design, dad just followed orders. He did so without hesitation and a lot of times without adding his 2 cents in, just followed the orders and made the trips to the store or outside to assist mom. I remember vividly thinking that dad had got this from being in WW2, but I was wrong. His service days probably helped him, I have no service time but I learned to follow orders.  Now different families have different roles and I personally do not believe that one way is better than the other, it is just what a family gets use to and is comfortable with. Around here, women prepared the meal and men followed the orders the women gave to them.

  Back then and really up until I really don't know, I said that I would not be like my dad and my wife would not be like my mom. Now at this time it is time to reflect back to what I said about that frog in the water thing, so I really don't know when or where that line was crossed. Maybe though this year, now at 54, I fully understand things more than I use to, especially since we are now the ones who are old. We are not really old but back when I noticed things like this I was in my 20s so yea, I would have thought me to be a relic back then. My parents, and other adults that helped raise me, I could always see traits that I admired, so please don't misunderstand me on that. The thing is though that I was in fear that one day I would become like my dad and fall into that order taking, mom fearing, role. I was a man and therefore over my woman I thought.

  I looked at my wife as I was not asked to run here or there, well actually a time or two told I was running here or there, but volunteered cheerfully to run. My wife was busting her butt to not only do her charges but also mom's charges now that mom was no longer with us. Our youngest daughter, only one still left at home, was busting her butt helping. At 22 she was also bucking up like a wild horse that has never been tamed, but she was being led and followed. Our oldest daughter asking what she could do to help out even though she lives miles away and had sick kids. My wife didn't want to place more burden on our oldest, guess she remembers us having small kids.

  So today the big event, Thanksgiving was upon us and Denise was wide open but running low on energy. If I did not know here I would probably not know this to watch her go. Her dad had just died and the funeral the day before, she was behind, broken hearted, and tired. I think staying busy kept her mind active and off the pain she was feeling. The pain was still there but at least she got a reprieve from the intensity of it, she was a daddy's girl. I was a momma's boy and I have buried myself in writing and paperwork on he estate and even TV this time, the TV thing... not good. One still grieves and one still hurts, but by not dwelling, one heals in time. Time does not totally heal all wounds but it does help to heal and have a healthy scar more so than an unhealthy one.

  Tonight, as she lay there asleep on the couch, exhausted, it came across my mind what dad must have felt. Neither of us are as thin as we once were, neither of us are as naive as we use to be, but man was she ever beautiful. I had to be the luckiest man alive. I thought dad was being bossed but he wasn't, he surely understood how blessed he was and rather than following orders was happy to help. He done this not out of duty but out of love and honor and was pleased to be of assistance to mom, whatever she needed him to do. I wondered just how I could have been so wrong for so long, for that matter, how I could not see the transformation in my perspective. Even more, how I could have taken so long to make the change complete. I guess I was a late bloomer, lol.

  So many changes have come about me and most for the better, but I was pretty off track in a lot of things. The thing I have noticed since dad has gone and now that mom has gone is not that I fear being them as I did when I was young. What seems to be boring in our youth eventually becomes stability in our later years. Spontaneous becomes undependable and change becomes undependable. Not completely in all aspects but in many. Trendy people become people of Fads and that becomes material people and eventually can become broke people. I get all that now, but the thing that amazes me the most and caught me off guard is when I looked at her lying there I had one thought. One thing came to mind and tonight I will ask in my prayers that I become that which I once feared I would be, that which I once thought weak. I pray I can be a man that is as my dad was, or at least half the man. That I can, though my actions and words inspire someone to be like me like dad did without ever once thinking he was doing just that. That I can be worthy of the ridicule of youth and the admiration of age. That I never know if I have been so that I can remain humble, and preform the tasks my dad did without fail. In short, that one day I can become a man like my dad.           

It Ain't Easy

  This I write to a few of my family. Will they read it? Maybe, maybe not, but I write anyway. For once I'm not going to name names, but you all will know of whom I speak. I think though this applies to most at some point or another.

  We have certain ones who appear as though they have changed... again. I'm 54 this year and I have watched this play out time and time again, we all have. I probably look foolish being nice or giving them a chance to change, maybe I am, you decide. You know as well as I that I don't go to church, can have a potty mouth at times. Prowlers come around I handle it, have little use for 911. I stand my ground and do not bend, even a little bit. I do read the Bible quite a lot, and the more I learn the more I find I don't know. What I do know is that it isn't open to interpretation, especially not mine. I consider myself a Christian, maybe not the best one, but one all the same. I'm not much on the dogma that seems to go along with that title, nor was it forced on me, I chose to be.

  I have found that me pointing a finger at wrongs don't help make them right. I found that you can't take a Bible and beat the Hell out of someone with it and make them good. If you scare someone into it that wears off. I believe that saying of everybody gets something different out of it is a load of bull, it is what it is and it says what it says. Part of being a Christian I believe is that you accept Jesus' offer of a new Covenant, thus replacing the old stuff... save for the 10 Commandments. So we start there.

I have tried hard to keep peace within the family. One member that everybody has the hardest time with seems to have changed. Is it real? Who knows, probably not but maybe. I explained my kindness with them as to the persons as this is the hardest part of being a Christian, forgiveness and trying to give them a chance to change. I'll be 54 this year and I have seen this go back and forth since I can remember, but here is the thing. Do they deserve another chance, probably not, but neither did I when I asked God to forgive me and give me a chance to change. I've fallen more than I've stood, crawled more than I've walked, failed everyday in some way... yet He is faithful. I am sure I sound like a broken record by now, but He is patient. As I have read and understood it to be, we are to do the same. I use to think you can fight fire with fire, yet evil cannot be outdone with evil, only good can undo evil. Maybe I will be fooled and looked upon as a fool, if this is a fake change, but I will be known as a fool with a heart. I will be shown as a man with mercy, forgiveness, compassion, and love.

When I face my God, I do so with Jesus as my shield, but that comes with a price. Do not let anybody fool you on this one, it has a price. We are suppose to at least try and follow His lessons, and that ain't easy. We fall and then we get back up, and if you fall one thousand times you get back up one thousand and one times. That is where Grace is your safety net. It isn't an excuse to do wrong but rather a net to catch you and protect you when you do. It has a catch though, that you follow in His examples. You have to forgive to be forgiven. Well, I need forgiveness... every day.     

03-20-2014

  It comes time that the build up is that I need to find relief. I have that "support group" that we hear people say we all need, and we do all need that sooner or later and from time to time. When I was a teenager I had a poster on my wall of a baby Seal that said, "Everybody needs somebody sometime", truer words were never spoken. Thing is, just who do I lean on that doesn't already bear a heavy load close by? Funny, my motto has changed somewhat over the 53 years of my life. It is now, do no harm as well as allow no harm, if possible. 

  I swore in as the Executor of mom's estate today, actually swore in an oath, one of which I would do no matter what. Me and Megan went to one of the two banks and gave copies where I could manage the estate's business and tomorrow we do the same at the other bank. I do not look forward to doing that. I spent some more time straightening mom's current mail and bills and receipts. Mom kept everything just not exactly in any kind of organization, but I think she knew just which stack something was in, much like my desk was and still is today. I never make it up there long before I have to stop. It feels like I am in mom's personal business, even though I know that is what she would want, still feels weird. I talk to her, sometimes even fuss at her, but always tell her that I miss her. Is she here on earth, I don't think so, but I think they can see us from Heaven. I do not think they can relate to anything negative, God does not allow that. Just as negative energy is an absence of positive, dark the absence of light, so then bad is the absence of good, and when God is, good is all there is.

  I found letters from a "religious group" promising fame, money, health, happiness... if the person would just send in their prayer money. If there was a spin they seem to have it, different in each letter. I think Hell holds a special place for people like this. Funny, mom always wanted me to be a preacher, and those who have heard my mouth would find that funny. Some in the past that have crossed me might think that funny too. I read the scriptures solely from want and personal need, and solely to learn from. Some things I am a slow learner on. I use to wonder how mom could even think such a thing, until I read letters that prey upon the sick, old, weak, and greedy. She had tons of that stuff, the TV is full of those people, and these days it even infects many churches as well. A sweet lie is still a lie, just a little easier to swallow. I could not do that to people, partly out of respect and partly out of fear of God. Be that as it may though one can find a happy medium between too sweet and too sour. One cannot buy or talk their way to Heaven anymore than one can have the Hell scared or beat out of them.

  I do what I must do on her behalf under prying eyes who look from across the street and judge. They mourn with their mouths in public, just as they worship God in public... yet in the secrets they keep secret. Maybe that is why mom picked me. I try and show as little as possible in public yet in the quiet stillness of the night, I am anything but. I give my brokenness and pain and sorrow to the One that it will not do harm each night in prayer. I step not confident, knowing that those who do often slip and fall in the overconfidence. I write these things here because not many people will read them or ever see them, yet writing has served the purpose of healing. Still, I hold back from what I would say. Something I am increasingly becoming worse at in person. I think that for far too long we have stroked each other and ourselves, maybe a little truth is past order. Maybe it is the pain I hide inside and maybe it is the want for a better world, either way, if I set and watch that stuff go one I am not better than the ones that do it. Maybe worse.         

One Of The Last Days

 This really doesn't fit the Throat Cancer Blog but more fits in here. Maybe I will recant more in time to come of mom's last days, maybe not. I've really not had time to grieve, so much to do and it all needs to be done yesterday, plus couldn't break down with Megan already broken. So, this will have to serve as my out for now. Partly though it is my fault because I would not talk with her about such matters as important papers and dying. In my mind that would make her give up and die sooner, in reality I wish I had allowed her to talk freely and listened. Other than getting the Will's location in once, and one other time where her Life Insurance papers were located, and telling me to sell the Office Building... over a course of days and trials to get in those few things, that was it.

  About two days before mom died she was laying there in her Hospital Bed that Hospice provided, she had been bed bound for twenty one days in the hospital at UT, and was for her last fifteen days on this earth at home. But know this, she fought valiantly and died honorably. Being there gives a person so much time to think, so much to think about. A Preacher once told mom that God snatches us up when He gets us close enough to Him to take. It is my belief that He calls the day and the exact time we go home.

  We were sitting there, or at least I was, mom was laying. You could see she was in deep thoughts, deeper than I had seen her before. She looked like she was a million miles away. She looked around the room in her Den where we had the hospital bed set up. You would have to see the stuff mom collected throughout her 85 years, and this room was the least of it. The stuff ranges from cheap to expensive, most in the middle, yet she had hand picked most of it, some though is stuff people gave her for gifts. The cost of things though were displayed no matter, all together, for her most prized things were things people had given her. We measure the worth of anything by the emotions it stirs when we are wise.

 Mom asked as she was looking around the room, "Why did we do it?" I was a bit caught off guard and I guess distracted with whatever it was I was doing, probably nothing. "Do what?" I asked. "Why did we work all the time. Why did we buy all this stuff and build all this stuff?"  I had regressed back to my thoughts the last minutes of the heart attack as I was laying there. The year long that seemed to never end battle with throat cancer. Those hours upon hours of pain and not being about to move about much. I am reminded of a simple yet sentence I read in the Bible and heard most of my life, "Be still and know that I am God". I hear people say that and think they know what that means, yet they haven't a clue unless they have been in a position of not being able to do anything but that. It reminds me of another thing I hear people say that have led a charmed life, "Use me oh Lord"... yea right, my saying is Oh Lord don't use me, use that idiot that is wanting to be used. I hurt enough already and while I know the saying is God will not allow any more than we can handle to be placed upon us, He gets real close sometimes.

  So anyway, again mom said, "Why did we buy all this and work all the time? It don't make sense."  I said, "No, it don't much sense. I guess we just got caught up in the trap the world sets for us. We placed a lot of time, energy, and money in moth and rust." Mom looked at me and said, "Moth and rust? What are you talking about, moth and rust? I'm talking about this. I smiled and said, "I am too mom. Everything we bought or received or was given that we can touch or set on a shelf is moth and rust. It decays in time like we do, either falling prey to moths or rust. I guess we got sidetracked a bit, but you know, it brought us some pleasure." Mom said, "Well, we didn't drink. Didn't go nowhere really. We worked hard and was honest." She paused as if to remember the past, then looked over and smiled and said, "I guess it did didn't it". I smiled and said, "Yea, and everybody's gotta do something, and we worked... and liked to work, we might have overdone it a bit."  then chuckled.

  She seemed to be at peace with that, and that was the main thing. There is nothing wrong with having things as long as you don't deprive others, are honest, and try and see those in need have to the extent you can help. As long as one does not value things over people and living things, I see no problem with having stuff. One has to know just how much Howard Hughes left behind when he died... all of it. Love, Truth, Kindness, and Faith... that you get to keep. Mom seemed to be at ease some and slowly drifted off to sleep after a long night of being in A Fib, which she still was, but was coming down to normal finally. I looked at her hands, fingers really, something I seldom do. Her fingers were smooth and shiny. It doesn't mean death is here but that it us near, but that doesn't mean they can't go back. I can't explain it but it is something one can see if they know what to look for.

  Without bursting into tears I can't talk about any of this, but I need to vent, so this is how I can get some relief. I must remain strong for everybody else, that is the role I have to play. Just like days when I don't feel I can move I hide it from whomever I run into. If I hurt, as long as I can hide it I do. Mom I have discovered done the same, at least to me she did. I had no idea how much pain she had lived with, she would not let that be known. I'm not sure even the doctors knew until the end.         

It passes quickly

I direct this mostly at the younger crowd, but older as well. When I was a kid I couldn't wait to graduate and turn 18, funny, right before my 19th birthday I was a dad. I then looked for 21, why I have no idea. It seems when we are young we are always looking at Tomorrow, never Today, so much so we forget to live. I remember distinctly how stupid my parents were and how smart I was. That changes though and either we get dumber or they get smarter as we get older. I'm not sure to date how that works. I could work new devices that they couldn't, had more formal education than they did, and knew everything. I distinctly remember having all the answers yet, I seemed to displace them as I grew older. Oh I would get so mad sometimes at them, especially over "traditions" and ways to act. If I heard once I heard it a thousand times, "Your acting up". "don't act that way", or "Is that any way to act". Occasionally I heard the, "That isn't any way to act " thing.

  Having a daughter so young, I remembered telling mom and dad that I would raise my child different, correct their mistakes and do it right. Guess what, I did raise my girls different, I was more strict on them than I ever lived under. I take it they were much better kids than I was because I remembered the crap I did, and that wasn't going to happen to my kids. Yep boys, one remembers what one did back then and when you have a daughter you do not want a boy coming around like you. But something happens when as you get older, or at least it should. You will look at your child with a new set of eyes, seeing the world differently, and finding a whole new other type of love. As that child grows so does your understanding of the way things look, the way you perceive the world around you. Oddly enough, those people who raised you will look far more intelligent than you once gave them credit. I know full well that there are exceptions to this, and if there is, you have the power to change this and owe it to your child to right the wrong.  For this though I am talking about those who do the normal and right thing.

   As one grows so does the perception of views held by your parents, they slowly begin to make sense. The "stupid" rules and ideas once taught to you that you hated, you now begin to see why, and use them yourself. You make plans to do this or that but then something always comes up. We tend to lean toward the Tomorrow thing all over again. I need to see my parents... tomorrow. I need to be with my kids... tomorrow. That is a natural way of life these days, entertainment and even the institutions and employers preach, tomorrow. Please allow me to give you advice that has helped me to have a better life. You don't have to overdo this but for your sake learn what I failed to learn until it was late in the game. Jesus preached Today, and He did so for a reason. Your parents wants to visit, or do something with you.Try Today. Your child wants you to color.... try Today. Tomorrow may never get here, but when it does, it changes to Today. There is no reset button, no replay, no do over... I know, I've looked and it isn't even real. Once you miss an opportunity, it may never come again. Unlike the video games and movies, you get one shot here in this world and if you screw it up there are no repeats, no resets, no make overs.

  As you look upon your child take a moment to stop and think, this is how they look upon you. With joy and wonder, impressed, proud, honored, even fear, fear that they will not do justice to their child. A willingness to share all and give all to this new being. This is how your parents felt too. This new person however you will bump heads with, as you want them to be the best they can be. To be what you are not. To have what you didn't have. To pass down what you have learned. Suddenly I understood better my parents, just as you will. The time passes quickly as you suddenly notice your child is becoming an adult, your parents are old, and you are older yourself. There is a myriad of opportunities to take of things that are priceless and have real worth, moments. The world will tell you to work like a dog and give them all the things you can buy, even the child will also tell you because they've been influenced by the world. Just as you were, just as I was, when we were small.

   Fancy cars depreciate, homes can become wardens as well as prisons, demanding you give more than it's share. Fashion is fleeting and ever changing. Gadgets are "improved" and outdated. Hobbies take all the spare time. Big, costly vacations suck more from living and memories fade. Politics change as one realizes it is a show. Even religion can go way off track and isolate you from your child. But it will not be until later that you realize that the "American Dream" is titled that because you have to be asleep to believe it. Hopefully you will be smarter than I was and awaken quicker. Most of these things, done in moderation aren't bad, thing is, with TV and mass media they tell that you cannot go too far. If you are as I am you soon realize that the first 30 years have been materially good but taxing, and it has all been fleeting as the real wealth slips away. For some things it is too late. So we say Amen, but it is still raining.

  I watched my dad go in a few short years from an independent man to a man who fought to stay that way. His mind knew what he needed to do yet his body would not cooperate. Dad would get frustrated and hateful at times, mad at himself for not being able to do what he knew how to do. Your kids are at the stage you started at, all the answers to life's puzzles, and you become the idiot in their eyes. That seems to be a main theme that Hollywood seems to promote: old people stupid and useless and young people smart and in charge. It you are young and reading this just remember, youth is not forever. I could go into some detailed info on that but you would lose my point and if it intrigues one and you want to know, you'd have to visit my website. Point is, old people got to be old by being smart. Believe me on this, help your parents and be kind to them, patient with them, for one day this will be you... if you are fortunate. 

  Blink and suddenly you have grand kids and are caring for your parents and eventually burying your parents. Then you become that old man or woman that the TV and movies find so funny, making you look dumb, hateful, and completely ignorant. They want the youth to think the old are completely useless. You see that we value everything in this country, cars, furniture, tools... everything but our true assets, people. That will be you one day. So I end with a few points to ponder, knowing this is poorly written. An Indian Chief once said, "It's easy to be brave... at a distance." So think before you say you won't care. There are basically two paths one can take. One where one can follow Jesus' main teachings, or the other which follow a Luciferian path of "Do what thy wilt shall be the whole of the law." Be vigilant though, that one sneaks up on you with sayings like "Just Do It", "You Deserve ..." , "Do your own thing", "If it feels good, do it". Bear in mind that like rat poison, lies contain some truth just as deception contains some reality. Make sue there isn't a hook hiding under the bait before you swallow it. Remember that those who came before you paved the way for you to have it better. I have yet to hear anyone say they wish they had been less kind, less respectful, or less loving.             

         

Power

  I took mom to the doctor again today to get her blood levels checked to see if she can take the next dose of chemo, and if not, to get a shot to try and build her blood where she can. She races a clock and honestly, the finish line is distant. In short, I spent the morning at UT Cancer Center. The new building is nice, but a shame it had to be built. One would think this would be the darkest place on earth next to the morgue, but its not as much as it is.

  Everybody there has a story and despite what most say or think, everybody there wants to tell it, even if to just one. There are different reasons and excuses why one doesn't tell their story but the main one seems they don't want to be a burden. Some think others will not understand or can't understand, while some will remain silent in embarrassment. Embarrassed that it is a punishment or from lack of faith, when that is as far from the truth as it could ever be. Some will think they will be viewed as not looking at it right or acting right. Though I speak of cancer, the same applies to all diseases and defects.

  As we sat there I noticed a young man all alone. Nobody should have to face that alone, even for one appointment. Today my voice was crackling, hard to speak and painful and I think he may have noticed. The again, maybe he just wanted someone to notice him so he would not be alone, but he sat quietly. I seldom look into people's eyes, it seems that I gather what is inside them, but I looked into his without him noticing. In his 20s, he looked afraid, yet brave... like this wasn't his first round. In his eyes were innocence and kindness, like a child's eyes. I struck up a conversation with him, asking if he was here for himself or with someone else, but I already knew. One can hide many things in many ways, but one's eyes will not lie. Mom took notice of him as I asked what kind of cancer he had and where it was. I was hard to understand, course, slurred, and my speech pattern not well controlled... but he listened hard. When my vocal chords don't operate right I force sound to try and mimic the sounds of words. I told him I had throat cancer and mom had 2 cancers she was battling. Mom instantly engaged the conversation.

  After he was called back three ladies sat beside me, about the same age as my wife from their looks, not old but not young. I started a conversation with them. She had two family members or friends, I never asked, for this conversation was about her. Turns out this was her second battle, the cancer had returned, and it was the same place mom's was found. She was trying an experimental drug and if that failed... well, that was her hope. She laughed and joked and occasionally was serious, but always serious under the smiles and comments. Mom spoke to her, they talked a bit, but nothing like her and the young man did. Then we were all called back.

  We went into another waiting area after the doctor had seen her to get a shot that hopefully will bring her blood back in line to continue the chemo, the cancer isn't waiting. There we found the young man who was just leaving. Mom and he talked more, shook hands, then he shook my hand, and he was gone. In though walks the three ladies. Before it was over most of the room was smiling. I saw a lot of ladies there wearing Toboggans where they had lost their hair, and some guys too.

  So what is the point of all of this. We are here for the blink of an eye, thats all, just a blink. Those younger who are healthy reading this probably can't relate. Those who have been mostly healthy will have a hard time relating. But try, not mainly for those you care about but mainly for yourself. The Bible says that we may entertain Angels unaware, but that isn't the reason either. What I accomplished was simple, costs nothing yet was priceless. All I done was open the lines of communication between people and to let them know someone was interested in them and cared. In my case I let them know I've been there and am a part of a little club that forms in silence. We could have talked about bad things, those who know me also know I'm a conspiracy theorist, yet what good would that have done. Those who sat in those chairs have seen and heard too much bad stuff already.

  So this I think not only applies to cancer but to most things, especially those which we have no control of. When someone is living what seems like a Hell on earth, don't stoke the flames, they will rise and fall on their own or with help from others. As a Christian I believe that we are to comfort and lighten the load for others when we can, in fact, we are told to do just that. Even those with no faith or different faiths are told to do that. I believe that we as Human Beings are called to do that. No, it will not change the whole world, but it will, if only temporary, change that small corner of it. It nothing else then for a little while, at a cost of nothing yet priceless to the ones there. Read my writings elsewhere and they may get dark, read them with people who's world has crashed down and I lighten up what I say. Do no harm.

  Before I close, one other thing. It is not our commission to judge, preach, or highlight what a person living in Hell on earth has done. We are not to be the stokers of the flames but rather the candle lite to shine a brighter day. To ease anothers' burden. Jesus judges, not us, we are commissioned to love and feel compassion. We are all granted a great power, the power of love and the gift of smiling and laughter... we need to use it when someone is in need. Before one uses this negative power to judge and say one deserves it, remember this. By grace do we walk. One might do well to remember what happened to the ones who followed Christ. Did they deserve it? It may not be that God is punishing someone but testing us while He conditions them for a greater day. It isn't until we reach rock bottom that we look up and though we may not see who throws the rocks, God does. To point at the afflicted is the mark of a human but to reach a hand to help someone up is the mark of a Human Being, thus we rely on God's hand to reach and help us up one day. We will all see that day.     

Some thoughts on conspiracy

  I get anywhere from avoided at times to laughed at at other times if I speak out about conspiracies, which I seldom do these days in person. Most people are not cognitive enough to realize that it only takes two to conspire to do something and few know the meaning of the word conspire these days. It isn't until a conspiracy happens and hits one at home that one acknowledges conspiracies even exist like the TVA Megasite thing. I love when religious people avoid that word, especially given it is in the Bible. Makes me wonder if they're being taught selectively or just not paying attention. Similar, willingly ignorant is also in there. This awoke many people in our area just as it has others in other areas where the same or similar is going on, even today.

  One hopes that perhaps it teaches people to pay attention to the slightest details and to remain vigilant. One also hopes that people in close counties would awaken as well... but one can only hope. I see and hear all this talk on the Boston Bombing, and I use that term loosely, then suddenly I realize that I hope for too much. I see in a neighboring county an election coming underway, know the names extremely well, and I know slumber has apparently fell upon some again. Big and plentiful signs, TV ads for people to land a small job, yet one of power. I know that either the ones running are completely ignorant to people being awaken and know someone is paying for those, or the people have fallen back asleep. Then I wonder just when and if we will learn. Once again culls run with a limitless amount of advertising, already whoring out to a hidden group.

  So if I seem cheery and ignorant it is to fit in, leave me be, least you hear what I know. Some scoff while others say they'd rather not know, and a few want to know. The worse part of it is that we all have to live in this Hell on earth that is slowly being created and the ones who will cry the most will be the ones who scoffed or said they'd rather not know. At some point we must take a stand and say enough. Not just for local events but bigger ones. Rather than just swallowing anything fed to us we must discern fact from fiction, good from bad, right from wrong.

Hebrews 5:
 

¹³ For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe.
¹⁴ But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

 Mark 13:22

For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.

 

 Revelation 3:2

Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die: for I have not found thy works perfect before God.

 

 1 Peter 4:7

But the end of all things is at hand: be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer.

 

 1 Thessalonians 5:6

Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober.

 

County Commission Meeting on April 15th

  I went to my second County Commission Meeting tonight and have only two words to describe it. Holy Crap! The meeting started at 6pm and went until almost 10:30pm, and really nothing was done. There were a few of the 21 there than seemed smart and a lot that thought they were smart. I haven't learned the good from the bad from the stupid yet, but I'm learning.  The good would be those who defended property ownership, respected rights, represented our county and it's people, and said no to the land grab that TVA and the Chamber of Commerce heads wanted to do. The bad were their lap dogs, who tried to sneak and attack and steal away people's rights, property, and heritage. The stupid who seemed to be those who watch and read the news and believe it's real, but learned head on it's bought and paid for.

  Without name calling, there is one in particular that needs to learn how to shut up, either that or pay attention. There is an old Chinese proverb that says it's better to be silent and thought a fool as to open thy mouth and remove all doubt. There were some issues that they went over last meeting and twice, one 3 times, this meeting. I'm not smart but damn, even I understood it the first time. Like a two year old, they kept asking the same questions. Hint: You may not like the answer but if it is the real answer it don't change, no matter how many times you ask it. Those same issues got once again pushed to the next meeting. It was like a three ring circus in there. There were issues concerning a job, which would and could cost the county 20,000.00 and another issue costing 80,000.00. If you ever want to see the old adage of swallowing a camel but straining on a gnat, go to one of these meetings for a first hand illustration. Blows my mind though that Bush Brother's puppy had no problem giving away two amounts that were over 140,000.00. Guess what we will never eat again.

  All in all I watched the Education director try and get 1 million dollars more for education, in addition to their budget. If throwing money on education was all we need do we'd have a country of geniuses by now. Looking around, that don't seem to be the case, if anything we've gotten dumber. Then the landfill dude trying to pass draconian laws of where trash could be taken, landfill wise. A sheriff that seemed to not get the point across that a man, accused of attempted murder who had an aneurism, was arrested without I'm guessing a MRI. They just simply couldn't figure out why the police dept couldn't see the man needed an unexpected surgery. Chances are the man didn't know it either. Aside from that, and the second largest school in Jefferson County not getting worked on, nobody who wanted money or accounted for money really had anything together. One would think a good research or report or study would be made prior to asking for money, but they didn't.

  The only highlights, as well as sense made and spoken, came from the few who had filled out requests to speak from the public, and speak they did. They were, aside from the sheriff and a few Commissioners, the only ones who actually had their ducks in a row with actual facts and straight forward sentences and questions. I was much surprised to see a whole page in the Standard Banner blaming Farmers and Home Owners for the failed Megasite, filled with lies from start to finish. I'll assume that came from the other side where the Chamber boys and Dandridge's Mayor were sitting. Despite I wanted to leave, I wasn't leaving with that motley crew there, and most others didn't either. I do not turn my back on a snake. Also brought up was the New Market train land grab, which is also no less a crime.Perhaps it is time the citizens take a stand together to stop the madness and greed in government.

  All I think of is that I wanted to move to Belize, but Denise didn't want to move, so I guess we fight. It is my hope that when election time rolls around that people will stop and think. Who pays for all those signs and ads. That we go past parties, since Republican and Democrat are pretty much the same thing, perhaps vote American. That we look at who cares, represents the people, isn't bought already, and is the smartest. (Hint, official education has nothing to do with it.) That we measure the person's success by their heart, not by the pocketbook. Then I hope we make it known that as long as one person's rights and liberties are being struck down, it strikes us all and we all stick together. Fight one you fight us all. But should we be a bit more selective, a bit more discerning, we shouldn't have to fight.   

  As a last thing. There seemed to be some concern as to if some laws were broken through the whole Megasite thing. So here is something to ponder over. If there was, and I believe there was, a coo who moved against the rest, it will be found out. Nothing hidden shall not be hidden forever, but rather revealed.

Megasite 2 Sign Of The Times

  It's late and I shouldn't even start to write, but I will. I need to make a few points clear. I do not and absolutely refuse to claim and affiliation with a Political Party. I'm fine being an American and having my priorities in line with God, Family, Friends, Country... in that order. Now maybe that works for some and maybe it don't, for now though it is a free country, whats left of it anyway. Most of these people once they get to power, I see no difference, same different dog, same leash and master.

  I have barely researched this Megasite thing and already it stinks to high Heaven. I hear all this news how Democrats are for Socialism with Welfare for people, yet practically no mention of Republicans and their Socialism with Corporate Welfare. I'd like to focus on that and a few other issues that people seem to overlook on their way to party line worship. As I said, I vote for no party, I vote the person. I know people that would vote for Hitler if their party ran him for office. Oh wait, that is exactly what happened, idiots elected him based on the party he was in.

  What we seldom if ever hear is Corporate Welfare, and that is exactly what is being done with not only this megasite but all of them. Who benefits from Corporate Welfare? Corporations and those making the loans to fund them. Those who know up front who is developing, who gets contracts to create the site and can invest, as well as the corporations that leach off idiots. The multinational corporation(s) that move there do quite well. Usually the upper pay scale jobs are brought in or farmed out while the lower scale jobs (temp jobs at best) go to locals. Just like when Clinton & Gore announce Free Trade with Mexico, or Bush signed into Creation the NAFTA agreement, we boomed until things moved away, then flopped. Now just in case you missed that,  Democrats started it and Republicans sealed the deal. Two dogs on one leash, with one master. Basically things will go up here for a while, until they are completed, then decline. Most places have grace periods of quite a few years where the corporation don't pay taxes or pays at a reduced rate. Once that grace period is over they either down size or move off. We have Ghost Towns and empty buildings and lots in Industrial Parks that set as examples of this. It takes an idiot not to see that once the blood slows down they can leach off of there will always be another host. So they will move. Even their prize corporation Hemlock Semiconductor (DOW Chemicals) may be selling out to China, which is weird because China ties into some of the ones in office here and in Nashville.

  Meanwhile the payments the county and or state borrowed must still be paid. By then there will usually be people move in, searching or relocating for a job. People will be injured while there. People will eventually be laid off there. All these people need to be paid too. Somewhere else in the world offers the same deal, maybe even another state, except with cheaper labor and they leave quicker and richer than they came. Meanwhile the debt must be paid, the land is ruined, and people must be compensated. State and local government jobs will need to be trimmed, salaries frozen, and citizens taxed higher. Already TN heads towards a debt of 45 Billion, 6973.00 per citizen. (Source) Now we add the Megasites to that and that is not even counting what Jefferson County will spend and go into debt. This is citizen's money! If a person has elected "leaders" instead of representatives, party rather than integrity, we are about to get what we deserve. “In a Democracy, the People Get the Government They Deserve” -  Alexis de Tocqueville. We have become a Democracy but we were intended to be a Republic under the Law. Democracy- 2 Wolves and 1 Sheep deciding on what's for dinner. 

  Not that I am advocating Welfare, but between corporations and people, I'll take people any day. In Corporate Welfare the money goes to the Upper Crest and Investors of the organization who usually isn't even in TN let alone the USA. That money is long gone. In People Welfare the money goes to citizens who then in turn spend it right back into the economy. I scanned articles that stated a few business owners saying they needed the Megasite for more people and more business. Makes me wonder how long they've been in business and how long they will make it. Idiots usually don't last that long. It makes me wonder if we have lost the ability to tell fact from fiction, truth from lies, or bull crap from chocolate pies. Have we been kept so amused for so long that we can no longer actually think? We stand in the popular line and tell people we're smart yet apparently watch way too much TV or get lost on small crap diversion while watching crooks fleece our country. The line in the sand we draw has ever increasingly went back more and more until we're at the end of the sand. I overheard a guy say that he was shocked and mad, shortly after saying that is why he votes Republican. Idiot. I wanted to ask him just who he thought was in charge and what party line has been pushing these Corporate Welfare junk, building government bigger and bigger, while constantly in a state of war. I wanted to say he should have voted for whoever represented him best. But, mules are lead while thinking people wish representation. A quick peek at OpenSecrets.org shows who finances who, and big corporations always finance both sides.   

  One other aspect of this is that we, as a state and as a county will be heavily in debt. I will simply add these quotes, 

“I sincerely believe that banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies, and that the principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale.” ― Thomas Jefferson

 The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. ~Proverbs 22:7 

“A man in debt is so far a slave.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

  
  I'm guessing someone is pooting under the covers. Follow the money on this thing. Follow the power ring. Follow the connections. Ask questions, demand answers, ones that have documented proof. After all, it is the citizen's dime these people are cashing in on. This is your children and grand children's future they are mortgaging. (Interesting note on that too, check in Nashville at the governor's right hand man's business). If that money is in excess, perhaps it would be better spent on local businesses, employees, schools, road repair. On people and things that are loyal to our county, our state, and our country. Perhaps all of that and maybe to help elderly with power bills or food or medical needs. No matter what, research, fact check, double check. Connect dots and hold those who are dirty accountable. Stand up and by your neighbor's who's land is at risk. Say enough.